tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92221650078832145442024-03-07T04:46:12.612-05:00The Wisdom of a FoolStevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-30291150798195337132010-02-26T15:01:00.000-05:002010-02-26T17:41:48.613-05:00Jesus Christ- superstar?i have seen a lot of churches, youth rallies and religious events spend a lot of time, effort and money on marketing. they use flashy graphics and catchy subtitles to grab our attention. in fact i have seen so much of this that i too feel the pressure to be trendy when i advertise events i plan or invite people to be a part of our youth group. i can't just call the event 'youth group Bible study,' i have to call it 'the edge' or 'superfantastical scripture search' or 'Jesus jam.' otherwise, it's just a boring old Bible study where we will learn more about the story we claim to believe in and follow and claim as our own, and that has no draw.<br /><br />the problem is that Jesus is not marketable. he is not cute like the jonas brothers (and thankfully does not wear skinny jeans like them either). he does not spew out one liners to laugh about with your friends like will ferrell. he is not over the top like lady gaga. knowing Him does not give you prestige or special back stage passes. in fact, He is quite the opposite. listening to His teaching will bring conviction, not entertainment. knowing Jesus and truly following Him almost guarantees you will experience ridicule, persecution and trials. try to market a deodorant with this tagline... fights odor, leaving you smelling fresh under the pressure of the impending beatings and mockery you will endure for using our product. i'd give you about 2 weeks until you went under. i think in a way, the church understands that, and has adapted our Savior's image in order to be more attractive. we are not, in most cases, marketing the true Jesus we read of in Scripture.<br /><br />that is the church, but i resonate with this point on a personal level, too. i struggle because i want people to follow Christ, but it is difficult. i am not writing to say 'i have this down, why can't the rest of you get it together?' i write this because giving up everything and following Christ is difficult and at times i don't want to do it. i have moments where i feel more like the rich young ruler, unable or unwilling to lay down my treasure and abandon my comfort in order to embrace His life. sometimes it would be easier to market Jesus as the key to health and wealth, but it would not be honest. Scripture reminds us that it is not a superstar we are called to follow and emulate, but rather a suffering Savior. so i will ask the ultimate question- is the version of Jesus being promoted by your church (and more importantly your life) the Jesus of Scripture? i pray that our answer, if it is not already, can someday be a resounding yes.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-6071794621022703832010-01-12T15:54:00.004-05:002010-01-13T09:25:22.391-05:00525,600 minutesnext wednesday will be exactly one year from the day i moved from metro detroit, michigan to salem, indiana. i must confess i almost moved right back when the first song i heard on the radio here was 'achy breaky heart,' but i am glad i stuck it out. it has been quite an amazing year. so in celebration, i will list the things i have learned about culture, church and myself in my time here. enjoy!<br /><br /><br />1. you'ens (or however it is spelled) is a phrase i will never use or understand no matter how often the people around me use it. i don't even know what two words it combines. ya'll is you and all. you'ens is you and... chickens? citizens? or is it young and ones? i don't know and do not really care to know.<br />2. having a section in your local newspaper where people can call in whatever comments they want is dangerous because it reveals a lot of ignorance, but it is also highly entertaining. 90% of the reason i get the paper is for this section. <br />3. people in small towns are generally a lot friendlier and a lot more likely to chat with you. in the suburbs, i could go days or weeks without a stranger acknowledging me. here, people will at the very least nod or tip their hats to you, but will more likely greet you verbally. <br />4. people are people no matter where they live. we all have problems. we all need grace and forgiveness. the size and setting of the church i work for is immaterial- the need for Jesus is universal and cross cultural. <br />5. goats are not that hard to wash. i wish i knew this from observation, not experience...<br />6. overalls are actually strikingly comfortable. i can see why agricultural types wear them now- very comfortable and pretty much zero chance of my crack showing when i bend over. <br />7. being 'metrosexual' is very contextual. i think here it must mean 'does not own anything with john deere on it,' because even i am a metrosexual here. <br />8. i absolutely love being involved in youth ministry. after being away from it for a while, coming back has reminded me how encouraging it is to see young people change, grow and ask tough questions.<br />9. i can, in fact, survive without internet at home. i used to think it would be impossible, but i honestly don't even miss it that much. <br />10. my life is good. in the past i have looked for things to whine about, but moving here has made me realize how blessed i am to have a great family, an amazing fiancee and a wonderful church family who has embraced a weird city boy like i was their own. God is good!<br /><br />i am sure there are many other lessons i have learned, but 10 is a good round number so i will quit for now. i hope those of you reading this had a year that was just as great as mine was.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-48973524149785413692009-08-26T11:17:00.002-05:002009-08-26T12:22:41.952-05:00indecision- the enemy of spiritual growthi must confess that my nature is to procrastinate. in high school i consistently put off my homework until the last minute. in college i would wait all semester to work on the big research paper and do it the night before. i usually waited until the last minute to pack for a trip or wake up in the morning. while i do not by any means recommend this method, i continued to do it because it worked for me. i never missed an appointment and rarely forgot anything i needed to pack. i still got good grades on my work and didn't waste valuable video game time on homework until i absolutely had to. so, no real harm was done.<br /><br />however, there is an area where procrastinating leads to death. i know that sounds extreme, but it is true. it is such a temptation to become stagnant and inactive in my faith. with the promise of grace on the table, often times there is little motivation to put in a full effort in changing my bad habits or thoughts. if God loves me no matter what, He won't care if i don't get up early to read my bible, right? if He can look past the sins of people in the bible who did WAY worse things than me, why should i try to fix the problems i have? this line of reasoning leads to spiritual death. it leads to a heart losing its ability to smell the sickening stench of its own sinfulness. it leads away from God and right into the clutches of satan. i cannot afford any longer to put off the changes i need to make in my spiritual life.<br /><br />while i was thinking about all of this, i stumbled upon this quote today from provocations by soren kierkegaard-<br /><br />'cowardice settles deep in our souls like the idle mists on stagnant waters. from it arise unhealthy vapors and deceiving <br />phantoms. the thing that cowardice fears most is decision; for decision always scatters the mists, at least for a moment. cowardice thus hides behind the thought it likes best of all: the crutch of time. cowardice and time always find a reason for not <br />hurrying, for saying, “not today, but tomorrow”, whereas God in heaven and the eternal say: “do it today. now is the day of <br />salvation.” the eternal refrain of decision is: “today, today.” but cowardice holds back, holds us up. If only cowardice would ap- <br />pear in all its baseness, one could recognize it for what it is and fight it immediately.'<br /><br />we have become cowards- we lack the desire or the fortitude to change for the better. not to pass the buck, but it is my belief that a contributing factor to this problem is the teaching of the church today. now when i say church, i don't mean the one i work for, or churches of Christ or restoration movement churches. i mean the church as we know it in western civilization. we live in a culture saturated with sin, and have ourselves become infatuated with sin. instead of avoiding what we consider slightly sinful, we are too quick to embrace the ways of the world. our hatred and disgust for the sins in our lives has been diluted. the call of our loving Savior's voice has been muted by the call of a more interesting and more easily accessible lover- the darkness and intrigue of the world. so in the end, the average churchgoer doesn't look all that much different than people of the world- we still gossip, visit questionable websites, have judgmental hearts, speak words without love, cheat on our spouses physically and mentally, treat our kids poorly, etc. we just have a different way to spend our sunday mornings and wednesday nights. we have become dangerously passive and inactive when it comes to avoiding sin and embracing holiness. <br /><br />i know, i know. my words sound harsh and critical. maybe overly critical. the call of discipleship i am laying out for all of us seems to go a little overboard, doesn't it? but the vital question we must ask in this- do those words seem harsh in comparison to the teaching we hear from our church or compared to what Jesus calls us to? in my opinion, we have gotten away from the extreme side of christianity. we have allowed it to become a passive part of our lives, not something that actively drives every thought, word, action and decision. we don't share our faith in God because it may offend. we don't live too radically because it may look odd to the people around us. christianity has become an activity, not a way of life. church has become a way to punch our 'get out of hell free' card, not a place to come and encourage the followers to remain faithful. but God did not send Christ to start a social club that happens to believe in Him. Christ did not lead 12 men around teaching them the right programs to start, the correct marketing schemes to launch to get big attendance numbers or the right songs to sing in worship service. Christ came to the earth and asked for people to follow Him. that is what we as a church must teach and embrace. so, faced with the decision to follow Him or to be indecisive and continue to err on the side of apathy, which will we choose? i think it's time to stop procrastinating and embrace a life of discipleship.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-62593807216542771442009-04-10T16:12:00.003-05:002009-04-13T13:52:03.102-05:00it was a good fridaytoday was a humbling and wonderful day. it was an eye-opening day. i participated in a community Good Friday service. i was asked to lead a prayer, which i did. but then a strange thing happened- i worshipped from the bottom of my heart. i felt emotion when i thought about the words uttered by Jesus- 'My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?' i cried today as i sang 'beneath the cross of Jesus.' i got chills as i thought about the word becoming flesh and taking on my sin. i felt conviction as the words of the message asked me which of the characters i played as i stood at the foot of the cross. i experienced the presence of God.<br /><br />i understand and fully acknowledge that i am not the only one to experience emotional worship today. but the reason i write these words is because i realized something as i had this experience. i cannot remember the last time i experienced something like this. i cannot remember the last time i was truly moved to tears over the thought of Christ dying for me. i cannot recall the last time i held back tears as i sang a song in church. i cannot remember the last time i truly worshipped with all of my heart. <br /><br />this was an amazingly saddening realization to come to. i am a minister. i lead devotionals and bible studies and teach class all the time. i lead worship nearly every week. my entire vocation is centered around God, and yet i had to honestly confess to myself that i was caught up in worship today for the first time in a very long time.<br /><br />i don't know if i get into a rut or if i am so focused on getting it right so other people can experience God that i neglect to do that myself, but this honestly was one of the most eye opening days i have ever had in my entire life. at the age of 28, in the midst of my first long term ministry opportunity, i found myself in the throne room of God and it was unfamiliar territory. i pray that i am alone in this, but i fear that i am not. i pray that church has not become more about the building and the do's and do not's than about God, but i fear that it has. i pray that ministry has not become about programs that lead others to deep spirituality and allowed us as ministers to neglect our own spiritual health, but i fear that it has. i pray that i have not been so concerned with everyone else experiencing God that i have at times forgotten to allow myself to experience Him, but i fear that i have. <br /><br />my prayer in this is that God will allow us to seek Him, not a religion that simply admires Him. i pray that we will strive not just to be fans and spectators of our Savior, but strive to be followers and disciples of the Christ who died for us. and i pray that God will renew our passion for living in His presence.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-36261059880632194622009-03-31T15:24:00.000-05:002009-03-31T14:26:20.915-05:00everybody will be happy over thereafter i wrote that last blog on simple pleasures, i got to experience one- dairy queen ice cream cake. it was amazing. it brightened my day, especially that layer on the inside that is fudge and cookie crumbley stuff- to die for. (probably has the nutritional value of butter flavored crisco, but still tastes amazing) simply put, food brings me joy and i can only hope that God's eternal Presence does include some sort of food experience. in fact, my idea of heaven is a buffet with big tvs and sports games and comfortable couches. (i will apparently be severely obese in heaven...) i picture Heaven as all my simple pleasures wrapped up into one amazing, eternal package. but i'm not sure that will be the case. <br /><br />i am human. i have always lived on earth, wearing flesh over my bones and walking around in this finite shell i call my body. because of this, it's hard for me to think about heaven. i can't conceptualize what being in God's Presence will be like. will i be scared? will i be happy? will i recognize people? will there be earthly things? will i long for things like ice cream cake, or will just being in the Presence of my Father be so overwhelming that i won't even think of anything but worshipping Him? <br /><br />i wonder if Heaven will be anything that i even have the capacity to picture in my mind. mostly what i think heaven will consist of are love and peace. we go through so much turmoil and pain in this life because of our fallen nature. being separated from God because of our sin invites so many problems and complications in this life. but when we are reconciled to God through the Blood of His Son, i think all of that will disappear. so while i don't know what Heaven will look like or smell like, i know it will be so much better than even the most amazing moments here on earth. <br /><br />feel free to share your thoughts on what Heaven looks like to you, and i guess one day we'll see how close we were to the truth.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-82185272305743915552009-02-17T16:51:00.002-05:002009-02-17T17:07:08.273-05:00simple pleasuresi am trying to find joy in the little things lately. as a friend's blog just reminded me, we are far too often waiting for the big, extravagant events in our lives to show us God's face and assure us of His Presence. so here are some things that make me happy and bring my joy, which i (and c.s. lewis) believe to be a gift from God used to connect us to Him. <br /><br />food (especially meat)<br />basketball games<br />someone saying 'duties' or 'do do'<br />little kids telling stories<br />the scent of cucumber melon<br />watching a movie<br />finding french fries in the bottom of the bag when i thought they were all gone<br />an encouraging word from a friend<br />helping someone in need<br /><br />-sidenote-<br />i fear that julie andrews is going to start singing at any moment during this post...<br />-end sidenote-<br /><br />sitting on the porch on a nice day<br />sunrises<br />sunsets (great, now i sound like a scene from fiddler on the roof. maybe i should put musicals on the list...)<br />a nice cold glass of sweet tea<br />having a good laugh<br />hearing a favorite song on the radio<br />quality pens and pencils (for real, i love writing stuff)<br />riding in my car with the windows down<br />an unexpected gift<br />owning a mac<br />singing<br />voice cracks<br />taking a good picture<br /><br />feel free to comment and tell us the simple things that bring you pleasure and make you smile. and remember to recognize the blessings in your life every day.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-86904394821406554062009-02-17T16:46:00.000-05:002009-02-17T16:48:33.611-05:00are you for real, Jesus?justification is a strange thing. through the magic of internal wordplay and mental gymnastics, we can get ourselves out of just about anything. for instance, i remember having chores as a kid and thinking stuff like "mom couldn't really mean i should do ALL the dishes," or "i'm sure she didn't mean to take out the garbage TONIGHT." i knew for a fact that she wanted all the dishes done and the garbage taken out immediately, but my laziness flipped a switch inside my brain. for just a few moments i became this lawyeresque creature, sifting through the sands of my mother's instructions with a fine-toothed comb, eagerly and desperately seeking the linguistic loophole that would release me from my immediate responsibilities. when i finally found the word or phrase that could spring me from the prison of my pending chores, my job was done and i returned to the mindless activities that awaited me. and the satisfaction of my work would overshadow the disappointment i should have felt in myself for weaseling my way out of chores. <br /><br />oh, how grand it would be to say that this was in my past. but i really can't. in fact, there are a lot of us who do this every day. let me give you a few examples...<br /><br />"Jesus couldn't have really been asking me to love God with ALL of my heart."<br />"surely Jesus didn't mean to imply that i should take up my cross and follow Him if it is difficult."<br />"no way can God expect me to remain pure sexually. this is a different day and age."<br />"pray for those who persecute me? i think that may be a metaphor..."<br />"i know Jesus tells us to confront someone directly if we have been offended, but it's way easier to just gossip about the person."<br /><br />maybe i am the only one who does this in my spiritual life at times. if i am, i apologize for wasting your time. but this post is meant to wake up the excuse givers- the people who approach Christ's call in the same way i approached my mother's call to housework. stop coming up with reasons why you can't serve and do what you can. get rid of the contentment with what your life is now and replace it with a vision of what your life could be. stop letting sin rot away your life and embrace holiness. be honest about who you are, who you want to be, and what it will take you to get from one to the other. stop blaming your problems on everyone else- own up to your mistakes. the bottom line is that sin is easy and discipleship is hard. but often, the more difficult option is the best.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-38540159530209600002009-02-09T08:15:00.004-05:002009-02-09T09:38:35.821-05:00beam me up, scotty!sunday i had the privilege of sitting next to scotty during our worship service. i had one interaction with scotty previous to this- the first time i met him i went to shake his hand, not realizing that scotty skips the pleasantries of the hand shake and goes right to bear hugs. before i knew it, i had a scotty scarf hanging around my neck in the church foyer. scotty is about to turn 40 and is mentally handicapped, so even though it was abnormal and uncomfortable to be hugged by a stranger, i let it slide. scotty doesn't know you aren't supposed to be that affectionate to people at church- a simple handshake or head nod would do. i then found during our second interaction on the front pew that there are actually a lot of things about church he doesn't know yet. scotty doesn't know you aren't supposed to sing so loud in church- you may be a distraction to those around you. scotty doesn't realize that you aren't supposed to wave to the guy leading prayer- it may distract him from his responsibilities. scotty doesn't know you're not supposed to talk to people during communion- it kills the somber mood of the moment. scotty doesn't know you aren't supposed to clap joyfully unless you can do it on the beat- it may annoy the musically gifted people around you. it is amazing how sitting next to someone that had so much he didn't know revealed exactly how much i really don't understand about what the church should be.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-72917332105605499482009-02-05T13:25:00.003-05:002009-02-05T13:39:51.481-05:00waiting for the thaw<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg5k_sdewxdFSSMCKc4UMl8SPFbUBBcmpKbmCsPQHjEQO3vv_Qw6d7nYZDJojYGTDS-ymKpv45RpGj_1VOon1xM7miy_BlFa374T_gfD0rL7jpO5vgExVRUvAZXpxQ5z2D-sylXQPs2P3T/s1600-h/IMG_0870.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg5k_sdewxdFSSMCKc4UMl8SPFbUBBcmpKbmCsPQHjEQO3vv_Qw6d7nYZDJojYGTDS-ymKpv45RpGj_1VOon1xM7miy_BlFa374T_gfD0rL7jpO5vgExVRUvAZXpxQ5z2D-sylXQPs2P3T/s320/IMG_0870.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299381960074850018" /></a><br />i took this picture last week. i just thought it was a beautiful way to capture something that shouldn't be... a frozen porch swing. this staple of the summer reduced to being a stagnant reminder of just how cold and icy it is outside... how far from the warmth and shorts and frisbees and backyard barbecues we really are. every time i looked at that swing as i left the house, it left me longing for change. i was left face to face with my desire for the newness that spring brings. and if i were to allow myself, it would have quickly turned into the bitterness and unhappiness that winter often brings. if i let myself dwell in that place of longing for what was to come, i could easily ignore the beauty of what was before me. <br /><br />often i do the same in my walk with God. i see the possibilities in my life and in the church, and i get stuck daydreaming of what could be instead of doing all i can to bring what could be into the reality of the moment. often i read Jesus' words about the Kingdom of God and think of what a great day it will be when that Kingdom is in effect. when the poor are treated well and love reigns and prejudices die and God rules over all things. what i too quickly forget is that God's Kingdom is eternal, and eternity includes the here and now. so let's not wait for the thaw, and become frozen along with our scenery. let's feed the hungry today. let's clothe the naked today. let's allow love to rule over hatred, pride and prejudice today. let's allow God to take His place on the throne of our lives now, and do all that we can to bring the warmth of the Kingdom into reality in this moment.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-47913420668713018602009-01-29T20:27:00.002-05:002009-01-29T20:37:55.561-05:00pete and repeati have decided instead of writing big long things all the time i will just write when thoughts crop up. here is the first attempt.<br /><br />the other day i decided to start listening to music when i get ready in the morning. so i put in a cd in my stereo in the bedroom and headed to the bathroom. i listened to a few worship songs as i brushed my teeth and shaved. then i jumped in the shower, excited to sing along as i sanitized myself. well, as fate would have it, the cd began to skip. over and over again i heard 'in Christ alone, my hope is found He is... in Christ alone my hope is found, He is... in Christ alone my hope is found, He is..." despite the greatness and sincerity of the words being repeated, this obviously got a bit annoying. <br /><br />my thoughts led me to think of how God must feel when he listens to my prayers sometimes. there have been times in my life i have fallen into the same sins over and over again, and prayed for God to help me and to forgive me. then i would sin again, and go back to God with the same exact prayer. although i was sincere and meant everything i said, if i were listening, i would have been annoyed, just as i was at the skipping cd. and therein lies the greatness of the God we serve. although He has every right to get annoyed and could easily just block us out, He chooses to listen, and care. and beyond that, He chooses to forgive us. so when it seems your prayer life sounds like a skipping cd or broken record, do all you can to fix it, but know that God is still listening, still cares and is patient enough to listen to the repetition.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-13639856275454075442009-01-27T14:55:00.003-05:002009-01-27T15:22:59.502-05:00lessons learnedhere are ten things i have learned lately. some are kinda serious, some are more goofy in nature, but all are valuable to me.<br /><br />1. there is no substance on the planet that holds in heat more efficiently than hamburger helper. i had to wait 15 minutes the other night until mine was cool enough to consume, and even then i found little steamy pockets as i stirred. in fact, i may work to market a line of outdoor clothing made of hamburger helper. i am convinced it would keep you toasty even in the coldest temperatures. plus, with the economy the way it is, edible clothing is a good idea. but i digress...<br /><br />2. 'hey, what's shaking' is not a good way to greet someone with parkinson's disease. for the sake of everyone involved, just choose another phrase. <br /><br />3. i am not a very patient person when it comes to certain things. technology malfunctions and driving are the biggest challenges.<br /><br />4. confrontation and disagreement are two different things. i need not be afraid of either as long as i am honest and caring in dealing with them.<br /><br />5. pop in indiana has more fizz. you may debate me if you'd like, but it is true. <br /><br />6. i will never stop thinking the words 'poop' and 'duty' are funny. i know it is immature, but i cannot help but at least chuckle when i hear them. <br /><br />7. there are a lot of good people in the world despite what the news tells us.<br /><br />8. i am often negative, but it is mostly because of a burden i have to see things be the way they should be. for example, i will focus on the few things that may be wrong with my life or in the church or with a situation instead of acknowledging all the positive things. it is not because i want to be debbie downer, but because i want to see my life and the church and the situations i am in be good and fruitful and Godly.<br /><br />9. i love mcdonalds. my cholesterol level does not. <br /><br />10. i have been blessed with a good family and good friends. moving away has made me realize that and appreciate the people in my life all the more.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-69360910282232045692008-12-15T22:17:00.002-05:002008-12-15T22:56:29.705-05:00what now?sorry i haven't written in a while. i know there have been tens of... people waiting for my next post. it's been a crazy few months for me in a lot of ways. sometimes i have so many thoughts at once that it is hard to land on one coherent enough to write about. so to get me back in the creative mood, i decided to just write out my thoughts at the moment. <br /><br />i don't know what happens now. i don't know what i am supposed to do when i thought i knew where God's path was leading me and now i come face to face with a big detour sign. i don't even know what i feel right now. i'm not angry. i'm not depressed. i'm not disgruntled, which is weird, because previously circumstances like i am facing now would have resulted in emotions like that. but i am closer to being emotionless lately. not numb. just still. waiting. expecting. seeking. it's like that moment at the top of the hill on the roller coaster where you know something awesome is about to happen, but you are just frozen for that split second. just think about stopping in that roller coaster at the top of the hill. imagine the things you'd see. the beauty of the view. the anticipation of the unknown in your future. it would be unsettling and calming at the same time. hectic and placid. unnerving and serene all at once. now imagine that split second lasting for 3 months, and that's where i am. in the roller coaster of my life, i am sitting at the top of the hill, just taking in the view. i look back and see the valleys i have risen from. i see the valleys ahead. but i see the excitement ahead too. i see the potential to move on from my past and into a new start. being on top of this hill has changed my outlook on many things. i'm finding contentment not in circumstances, but in the knowledge that God is there, and in control even when my finite mind can't grasp that. it is like the instability of my life is the only thing that could have possibly led me to being secure spiritually. sins have lost their luring power. people never seem like distractions or burdens anymore, they seem like opportunities to experience God. and now i am beginning to see what life can be like if it is lived to glorify and serve God. so while i don't know what state i will live in next month, where i will work or when or if i will ever get married and start a family, i feel more positive about my life than i ever have. maybe for the first time, i am seeking God's will first, instead of asking Him to come alongside me and bless what i have already decided to do. and that in itself is more of a blessing than i could ever imagine. so i thank God for the breathtaking view that only this pause could bring into my line of sight.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-62896704448421996972008-09-29T09:50:00.002-05:002008-09-29T10:32:52.710-05:00it was the best of times, it was the worst of timesGod's will is a sticky subject. it's so easy to sit in towers of ivory with intellectualized theories about how God leads His people. i confess that i have done that. at different times in my life, i have had drastically different thoughts about this subject. at times i have thought God has it all mapped out for us. other times have led me to believe that God doesn't really have a preference as to exactly what we do and where we do it, as long as we fit within the general framework He gave us in scripture. other times, i have had nothing intelligent to say about it, cause i had no idea what to think. <br /><br />i am a big proponent of the idea that we too often allow our experience to shape our interpretations of scripture and our view of God. i suppose it is only natural. it is difficult to see beyond the tangible to the 'other.' for example, many think that if life circumstances are bad, God must be unloving, uncaring or unable to fix things. if life is good for people, God is loving, caring and powerful enough to bless his people. or, when times are bad, God is still loving, caring and powerful, but must be trying to teach us something through our trials. but the issue with this mode of operation is that, just like job, we are not privy to what goes on 'behind the scenes.' thus, our ideas of what God's will could be are only, at best, educated guesses.<br /><br />i say this not to downplay seeking God's will in the least. i believe we must always pray to that end. i believe we should constantly search for God's leadings and urgings in our lives. i believe thinking about God's will is a good thing, but i also think life experience removes us from the ivory tower and forces us to not just think about the hypothetical, but put our beliefs into practice. but what do we do when nothing seems to jump out as God's path? do we follow the poetic words of frost and take the road less travelled by? do we throw out the fleece like gideon did? do we roll dice or play paper rock scissors? do we seek and follow wise counsel of Godly people? do we just step out and believe God will bless whatever choice we make? <br /><br />all of this has become so pertinent to me because it is exactly where i am right now. i don't often write about specific things in my life, but i feel like i need to, so here it goes. as of october 1, i have no job. my time as a full time employee of rochester college has come to an end. the full time ministry job i thought i had lined up is not looking so sure anymore. so now i am very unsure. this is different from a few months ago. this summer, the church job seemed like a lock. i was basically told it was a lock, but then things changed. in the midst of my conversations with the church, i found out my job at the college had been cut from the budget. however, i viewed this as a confirmation that the nearly done deal church job was where God wanted me to be. now i am facing unemployment and have no job to step into. so i feel as though someone has found the cosmic remote and hit pause. i don't know what to do- should i collect unemployment or get a job in a grocery store? should i look into other ministry jobs and schedule interviews? and the ultimate question i have is where is God in all of this? is it His will that this is happening, or is satan trying to thwart God's plan by placing doubts in what i thought was a sure situation? don't misinterpret me- i have no doubt whatsoever that God is right here in the middle of this. but my desire is to look behind the curtain. i want to see God pulling levers and pushing buttons like the wizard of oz. i want to be able to read the narrator's commentary on my life and eavesdrop on God and satan chatting, just as i get to when i read job.<br /><br />but that is what faith is about, isn't it? pushing on even when we have no explanation or see no obvious path. people can call religion 'the opiate of the masses' or foolish or whatever they want. to a degree i would agree that 'religion' is a less than desirable thing. but i don't want to be a religious person. i want to be a person of faith. i want to be a person who follows God, not just shows up to a building and consumes crackers and grape juice. i want my life to reflect what i believe- that God is faithful to His people and loves His creation enough to be a part of our lives. i just pray that when i look back at this chapter in my life, i will see how God's poetic story was being written in my life. i pray that i will have chosen the path less travelled by- the path of faith.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-30391134199330593512008-08-02T20:45:00.003-05:002008-08-02T21:04:13.584-05:00i'm sorry and i'm thankfuli am sorry for the fact that people who call themselves Christians act nothing like Christ.<br />i am sorry that people try to be what they think people want them to be instead of just being ok with who they actually are.<br />i am sorry that kids have to be raised by parents who don't care.<br />i am sorry i can't help people completely deal with their pain.<br /><br /><br />i am thankful that Christ is still worthy of praise even when we misrepresent Him.<br />i am thankful that i have friends, family and a God who accept me for who i am, not some facade i put in front of them.<br />i am thankful to have parents who loved me and wanted the best for me.<br />i am thankful that God can still comfort those to whom i can only offer a listening ear.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-21063768957565655822008-05-27T16:39:00.004-05:002008-05-27T19:04:40.391-05:00top 3warning- this post requires replies and comments. <br /><br />here is the inspiration-<br />i was driving along to indiana a few weeks back for work and didn't have my ipod (the rental didn't have an input- tragedy, i know). so i was relegated to listening to the radio for the whole trip. once the detroit sports radio station was out of range, i opted for the scan button. as i determined if a song was or was not worth my time, i thought about the songs i never like or listen to and the songs i love or cannot pass up if i hear them. also, as i stopped on a few songs, i realized i would have been embarrassed to stop on them had anyone else been in the car. so, it made me want to write a blog and see what some of your entries on the following top 3 lists would be. (i included movies because i like them and my sister and i have talked before about movies you watch whenever they are on tv no matter how many times you have seen them.) feel free to reply with any or all of your entries.<br /><br />SONGS I DESPISE<br />(i would never stop on these songs unless it was to mock them or if i had a person in the car whom i wanted to torture)<br /><br />1. anything sung by rod stewart<br />he is terrible and sounds like he swallowed glass. forever young particularly makes me want to puke and ironically makes me want to be old, so that i could be closer to death and have less of a chance of hearing that song anymore. <br /><br />2. i want to live like animals (or the animal song) by savage garden<br />i don't even think i have to justify this one. listen to the song. i can't explain how, but i am pretty sure it is the cause of people choosing to be vegetarians and vegans. <br /><br />3. summer girls by lfo<br />new kids on the block had a bunch of hits, chinese food makes me sick, and i think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, the summer. note to the lyricist- please just have one coherent thought. just one- is that too much to ask?<br /><br />4. simply having a wonderful christmas time by paul mccartney<br /><br />i had to include this one. it makes me want to ram q-tips into my ears. paul mccartney should be removed from the beatles somehow for providing the musical equivalent of pooping in a box, wrapping it and placing it under a christmas tree. <br /><br />SONGS I LOVE <br />(i would never change the dial if these songs came on)<br /><br />1. california love by dr. dre and tupac (moment of silence please)<br /><br />i don't know what it is about this song, but i have to listen to it when it comes on. maybe it is that inner thug coming out of me from my days on the mean streets of ashtabula. or maybe i relate with being out on bail, fresh out of jail- california dreaming.<br /><br />2. elvira by the oak ridge boys<br /><br />i used to love this when i was a little kid and would dance around in my diapers whenever it came on. i guess some traditions never die. (not saying i wear diapers and dance around my house to this song now *nervous chuckle*)<br /><br />3. tie- anything sung by christina aguilera, lauryn hill or kelly clarkson<br /><br />i am just melted into a little puddle of goo when i hear an awesome female voice, and these three can sing in a way that would make paint fall off of walls. three particular songs would be beautiful by c.a., ex-factor by l.h., and the live version of beautiful disaster by k.c. (by the way, kelly, if you read this, i am ready to marry you whenever you want.)<br /><br /><br />GUILTY PLEASURE SONGS<br />(i would not start out a blind date by saying i liked these songs)<br /><br />1. one word, two syllables- boybands<br /><br />i pretty much know every word to every n'sync song, most nkotb songs, and several backstreet boys songs. you can even throw in stuff like bbmak, 98 degrees, all4one and color me badd. i even created a genre on my itunes called boy bands so i don't have to weed through all that normal manly music guys listen to to find it. (related topic- i also love justin timberlake's solo stuff and listen to it all the time.)<br /><br />2. the one that you love by air supply<br /><br />in my defense- i am a high tenor. it helps me exercise my vocals. although crying as i scream it at the top of my lungs as i normally do doesn't help me sing much better.<br /><br />3. careless whisper by wham<br /><br />this is one of my favorite songs ever. what can i say, i am just a sucker for george michaels and... that other guy in wham.<br /><br />HONORABLE MENTION<br />(i like music so much that it was hard to limit to 3 so i had to at least give these songs a shout out)<br /><br />1. what might have been by little texas<br />2. one last cry by brian mcknight<br />3. true by ryan cabrera<br />4. fly me to the moon by frank sinatra<br />5. mozart's requiem<br />6. worlds apart by jars of clay<br />7. she's got a way by billy joel<br />8. the freshmen by the verve pipe<br />9. inside out by eve 6<br />10. under the bridge by the red hot chili peppers<br /><br />MOVIES I DESPISE<br />(i will not watch these movies unless i have no choice)<br /><br />1. any star trek movie<br /><br />i don't get into sci-fi. if you do, more power to you, but it is not my cup of tea.<br /><br />2. superman returns<br /><br />this movie had cheesy dialogue. it was way too obvious with its messianic parallel. i was sad to see one of my favorite actors, kevin spacey, be a part of such a disaster. <br /><br />3. pearl harbor<br /><br />leave it to american film to take a story about one of the most intriguing events in american history and focus on a fictitious love story. it was everything the makers of saving private ryan strived to avoid. <br /><br /><br />MOVIES I LOVE<br />(i could watch them over and over again and still enjoy them)<br /><br />1. dumb and dumber<br /><br />classic slapstick comedy mixed with some very witty writing and great comedic timing. i laugh every single time i watch this movie without exception.<br /><br />2. seven<br /><br />pretty graphic content, but excellent thought-provoking dialogue concerning sin, religion and tolerance in american culture.<br /><br />3. forrest gump<br /><br />i don't know what it is, but i cannot get enough of this movie. the story, as unbelievable as it is, just draws me in every time. also, it makes me cry every time i see it, which leads into the next category...<br /><br />MOVIES THAT MAKE ME CRY EVERY TIME I WATCH THEM<br /><br />1. dead poet's society<br /><br />when the guys all find out about neil and todd (ethan hawk's character) just loses it, i can't help but cry.<br /><br />2. mrs. doubtfire<br /><br />ok, i know this seems stupid, but i have good reason. i am sure he would deny this if confronted, but this is the first movie i remember watching with my dad and seeing him cry. we went to the theatre and when robin williams is giving that speech in court about not losing his kids, my dad started to cry a little. every time i see that film now, i cry at that part. <br /><br />3. patch adams<br /><br />again, this is kind of a corny movie, but when patch is reading the rest of the love poem to corinne, i lose it. also, the scene on the edge of the cliff where patch is talking to God doesn't make me cry, but it is very emotional. you know, maybe i need to quit watching robin williams movies and i won't cry as much, cause i cry during good will hunting every time too. (it's not your fault, it's not your fault)<br /><br />HONORABLE MENTION<br />(i would for sure recommend that you watch these if you have not already)<br /><br />1. gladiator<br />2. stranger than fiction<br />3. crash<br />4. american history x<br />5. what about bob<br />6. the usual suspects<br />7. ray<br />8. waiting for guffman (or any movie with that cast)<br />9. gangs of new york (and there will be blood- daniel day lewis is awesome in both)<br />10. wayne's world<br /><br />ok, that's all for now. i hope to hear some of your favorite music and movies, too!StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-44954151164859627912008-05-11T02:42:00.002-05:002008-05-11T03:09:30.976-05:00i stand... somewhat impressedi don't recall all the peripheral details, but i remember the moment itself like it just happened. i know i was with my parents in the car. i believe we were on the way to visit my sister in michigan. if i have to guess, i would say i was about 12 years old. as we drove, we came to an area close to an airport. high above, a plane soared. my mother turned from the front seat to tell me to look up and see the plane. and here is the moment i remember so well- unbeknownst to her, i rolled my eyes and said 'i see it mom,' but in reality i had made no attempt whatsoever to look at the plane. i mean, come on. i was 12 years old. i had seen tons of planes in my day. that was only cool and exciting to little kids.<br /><br />i think about that day all the time. no exaggeration- i really do think about it every time i hear or see a plane. in fact it just happened yesterday when i was driving by the columbus airport and saw a plane fly overhead. i think about it because that is the precise moment i lost my sense of amazement for modern technology. in fact, nothing amazes me anymore unless i really allow myself to think about it long and hard. even though i cannot explain how a plane flies, it is just commonplace now. no need to get all worked up over it, right? thousands of them take off and land every day. despite the fact that i cannot even begin to give a scientific description of how we are able to record sound onto a tape, or video into a camcorder, i view it as simple. technology adapts and changes so quickly, it seems like nothing that could be invented would really knock me off my feet at this point. the childlike sense of wonder is gone. but yesterday, when i saw that plane, i let myself drift into thought. i considered how awe inspiring it truly is to see an object that large fly through the air. i thought about how awesome it is that God has given man the intelligence to engineer, pilot and build these machines. i let my mind go back to the days before that trip, when i was a young boy and the world was filled with incredible inventions and discoveries for me to experience. it was very freeing to feel that again. <br /><br />there is a song i love called 'i stand amazed.' it goes like this-<br /><br />i stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene <br />and wonder how He could love me- a sinner condemned, unclean<br /><br />He took my sins and my sorrows, He made them His very own<br />He bore the burden to calvary and suffered and died alone<br /><br />how marvelous! how wonderful and my song shall ever be!<br />how marvelous! how wonderful is my Savior's love for me!<br /><br />i could write for a long time about this, but i will keep it short for now. i think i had, until recently, stopped thinking of grace as all that amazing. i didn't stand amazed anymore. God's mercies are new to me every morning. His grace is extended to me over and over again, so i sat in the back seat rolling my eyes, thinking "oh here comes forgiveness again..." i think the frequency of that gift being given made it less impressive to me. even though i could not explain why or how God had forgiven me, it became standard and even mundane. recently, i had an experience that opened my eyes to just how wonderful it is to be forgiven and redeemed by God. my simple prayer is that i never go back to the days of feeling like forgiveness and grace are anything less than awesome and inconceivable.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-88707671875894733272008-04-16T16:28:00.006-05:002008-04-16T17:50:26.058-05:00why can't you be more like me?ok, let me set the scene for you...<br /><br />date- april 6, 2008. it had been winter for like 8 months- a relatively short winter for michiganders. during those 8 months, if it hadn't been snowing, it had been about 2 degrees outside. so, on the first REAL day of spring, when this odd thing called the sun came out, i met a friend at the local park (or the duck pond as the kids call it.) picture the placidity of this park- trees swaying in a light breeze, couples cuddling in the freshly cut grass (except for one couple that was totally taking pda to a new level- it was disturbing), bicycles whimsically passing, dogs frolicking, squirrels chattering and children squealing with joy because the temperature had finally released them from their wintery prison. it was so beautiful that i'm pretty sure i even saw a unicorn flying by and some elves making cookies in a nearby tree (but not harry potter- he is from satan). despite all this beauty, as we walked her dog and chatted, we found ourselves completely enthralled by something that i can only attempt to describe. my description may never fully allow you to capture the awesomeness of what we witnessed, but i will give it my best. <br /><br />this summer playland was totally invaded by the last group of people i expected to see that day- emo kids. that's right- long sleeve-wearing, black jean-clad emo kids. keep in mind it was like 65 degrees out. but these kids refused to allow a hint of summer to change their wardrobe choice. and to make it even better, these emo kids were wielding homemade swords, presumably made out of cardboard and duct tape, or pvc pipes and duct tape for the more advanced fighters. additionally, amongst all these battling young lads was one queen giving instructions, her green hair flowing in the gentle wind. so, imagine this upper class suburban community being juxtaposed before our very eyes with the running and screaming and fighting of emo kids. (things got even more interesting when one very pale emo kid decided to take his shirt off...wow is all i can say.) we were able to take in this wonderful dichotomy until the emo kids called it a day to head for the land of the frosty- wendy's. <br /><br />i wish as a 'mature' Christian i could say i did not make fun of these kids, but i did. it was so funny to me that this whole group of 15 kids would choose to spend their day running around, sweating and whacking each other with fake swords. i don't know if there was a point to this game. i was not able to determine what kind of role the green-haired queen was playing. oh, yeah and i forgot to mention they were taping some of this, which puzzled me even more. were they taping it to review later? did they sit on the couch during the week and critique their form like nfl players watching game film? anyway, my friend and i laughed at this. in fact, i am laughing now as i recall this event, because it was ridiculous to me. <br /><br />making fun of these kids made me realize that i have a tendency to belittle or ridicule the things i don't enjoy. for example, i live with two guys- riley and clay. riley and i like a lot of the same things, such as sports, sports video games, certain movies, eating, etc. clay and i have music in common, but beyond that, not a whole lot. the biggest difference is clay's involvement in a game called world of warcraft, which i maliciously call zelda because it makes him mad. he plays this for hours. riley and i make fun of him pretty consistently for this because neither of us think the game is at all appealing, let alone cool. so, clay becomes the nerd in my mind because i do not like the thing he is spending his time doing. the other day clay was playing and riley made an insulting comment about it. clay's reply was completely in jest, but it really made me think. riley was settling down to watch a show on our dvr called the most dangerous catch, which is about extreme fishing, etc. when riley made fun of clay for playing w.o.w. clay responded with the following- "i am playing a game that 9 million other people are online playing right now. you are about to watch a recorded fishing show by yourself on the couch. why am i the loser?" i laughed out loud pretty hard on my way to my room to go to bed. when i got to my room, i started thinking about this comical exchange. i came to the conclusion again that we really do have a tendency to make fun of what we don't like, don't we? granted, clay plays this computer game that i do not play, but why is it any different for me to play nba 2k8 for an hour or read espn articles for hours on the couch? why do i think of him as the nerd and myself as normal? because manly men like to watch sports? guys with chest hair and muscles can't possibly suspend reality and play a role playing game? and this made me think about the emo kids at the park. why is my attire right now of khakis, a shirt and tie and a sweater more normal or acceptable than long black jeans, long-sleeved black t-shirts, lip rings and dyed hair? who defines normalcy? has normal become whatever media portrays as normal? do individuals or communities or nations decide what is or is not normal?<br /><br />then, as i always do, i began to really internalize this and think even more about how this applies to my relationship with God. have i included a place in God's kingdom for emo kids? is there such a thing as a normal Christian? where is the bullet point list of qualifications for that? should the church have an "in crowd" or the "popular people?" (i think james addresses that issue, does he not?)<br /><br />then i thought about how this influences my views on salvation and sin. ok, just do this little experiment with me. i want you to think of the 3 worst sins in the world. sins that just make you cringe and uncomfortable and must certainly be painful for God to see in the world. ok, go ahead and think of them (cue jeopardy music). now, i can guarantee with amazing accuracy that i can identify the three sins you just listed in your mind. ready? they are three sins you do not struggle with. am i right? we can throw stones with the best of them, but we hate looking in the mirror. i don't like to think that having wandering eyes or lustful thoughts is a sin, because i struggle with that. i don't like to think that lacking discipline or overeating is a sin, because i participate in those. but pre-marital sex? sure i'll condemn that all day because God has given me the strength to not fall into that. enjoy hell, drug users and alcoholics- i'll be in heaven because i never used drugs or got drunk. such a twisted logic, isn't it? yet we all fall into it in one way or another. in fact, there have been times that i have had thoughts that my sins "aren't all that bad" or because i was raised in church i don't have as much stuff to repent for. God forgive me for that! sometimes i wish God hadn't put stuff about david and saul/paul in the bible. i think we use examples of the broken people God worked through to make ourselves feel better about our sin. the result is that we do little or nothing at all to change. "well david had a man killed after he slept with his wife and scripture called him a man after his own heart. saul killed christians but paul's writings fill the new testament! what i am doing isn't nearly as bad as those things, so i don't need to worry about it. God can still use me." there are a few problems with that line of thinking. 1. we are not called to just do the bare minimum. instead, the language scripture uses concerning our call as Christians is "to have not even a hint of the following list of sins" and "live lives that are above reproach" and "live such good lives that people would never believe false charges against you." there is no room for apathy and laziness there, and we cheapen grace when we ignore or minimize our sin. 2. as good as they were, we are not called to follow david and paul and others. we are to be a "little Christ." that's what it means to say we are Christians- that we are a smaller version of Christ. 3. loving the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength leaves me no part of my life untouched by His cleansing fire. there is no compartment in my life labeled "acceptable vices." God does not owe me a few slip-up areas so i can cope. instead He calls me to "be holy as He is holy." a compartmentalized life doesn't fit into that call. <br /><br />i guess what i am saying is that i need to quit looking at everyone else and determining how they need to be different or more like myself. my sins are no less sinful than those of the people around me. my hobbies and interests are not abundantly cooler than those of others. so i ask you to join me in trying to get the compartments out of my life. no more categories of people i can and cannot accept. no more sins i lock away and refuse to give up. no more bad sins and really really bad sins- let sin be sin. no more labeling people based on my very relative definition of normalcy. instead, i will attempt to embrace holiness and repentance and acceptance. amazing what emo kids and world of warcraft can spark inside, huh? just further proof that diversity is a beautiful thing which God uses every day to teach us lessons...StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-78819376902191677772008-04-07T17:57:00.005-05:002008-04-07T19:16:43.385-05:00messianic mathi love a good ol' cliche. it just makes me happy for some reason to hear a cheesy phrase thrown into a speech, or better yet, just a random conversation. one that i love (maybe this is just on the tip of my mind because it is almost 70 degrees out today) is any variation of this phrase-<br /><br />"it may be raining outside, but the S-O-N is shining in here."<br /><br />how can you not at least smile at that? not because it makes me think deeply about the presence of Christ in our hearts and minds at all time, but because it is just so corny. <br /><br />here's another of my faves-<br /><br />"let go, let God..."<br /><br />note the dot, dot, dot at the end, because it never specifies what you are letting God do. so cryptic, yet so applicable to all situations. i can just see people's reactions to professionals using this advice tactic in their jobs. imagine going to a dermatologist and hearing the following...<br /><br />don't know what to do about your dandruff problem? don't turn to head and shoulders- let go, let God. <br /><br />or to a motivational speaker or seminar and hearing...<br /><br />having issues passing that test or getting ahead in the corporate world? don't try harder- let go, let God. <br /><br />or to a therapist and hearing this...<br /><br />now i know you struggle with depression, anxiety, amnesia and dementia, so here is your prescription- let go, let God.<br /><br />now with all due respect to those who use these phrases with good intentions, i do not mean to poke fun. i just think they have little value. i will gladly explain why i think that. life circumstances are too complicated to be explained away by black and white, cliche answers. furthermore, being a Christian is far too complex to be reduced to a rubric comprised of platitudes, sins that are a major "no-no" and helpful hints. while these inspirational sayings grandmas around the world cross stitch onto pillows lift the burden of the soul momentarily, they by no means have the spiritual girth to carry people through real spiritual crisis. in my mind, we practice theological reductionism by trying to use quips and quotes to negate lament and pain. for instance, how can we believe that Christians are supposed to be smiling and happy all the time and still have the story of the prophet jeremiah in our bibles? how can we say that bad things should not happen to good people and thumb through the pages of job? and how can we say that it cannot be God's plan for a Christian to suffer? do we not then have to ignore the path that took Jesus from gethsemane to the cross? that's why although i am entertained by these phrases, they really do nothing for me. it seems that these little nuggets of wisdom some people throw around are more like bandaids being placed over a gaping wound. <br /><br />we are equally guilty when we try to reduce living a life of discipleship to bullet points and highlights we pull out of scripture and slap onto a track we pass around the neighborhood. (and here is where i get into trouble) following God is so much more than voting a certain way. it annoys me to no end when people think that someone is a good candidate to run this country just because they claim to be a Christian. it also annoys me when people think someone who is not a Christian will send the country straight to h-e-double hockey sticks and must have no morals at all. it's as though the sermon on the mount included a checklist of voting pro-life and anti-gay union. now before i get lambasted, please read this next part... do i believe abortion is ok? no. do i support gay marriage? no. but i think there is a big difference in standing up for Jesus and standing up for issues. when we stand up for issues, we ignore the people involved in the issues. God's creation- our neighbors and co-workers and friends- become statistics. how do we love a statistic? how do we extend grace to someone we view as "just another homosexual" or "that tramp who got an abortion?" where is the heart of Christ in that? i believe there is a way to stand up for God and the statutes of His kingdom without pushing others down and labeling them as projects, rejects or defects. there is a way to love the sinner while hating the sin. i believe God invented that when he saved you and i, and we are to follow Him in the way we live. i am not saying i have this figured out. what i am trying to point out is that we cannot just make God into an equation. <br /><br />don't have premarital sex + pray before meals + go to a church building every sunday + vote correctly = heaven <br /><br />that's not what i believe God had in mind for His plan of salvation. what i do think He had in mind was for us to be like david- to be after God's heart. i mean not only to reflect God's heart but to chase after God's heart. to never get enough. to never be close enough. to never settle for a watered down faith, but to always seek to learn more and be sharpened. i believe he sent Jesus to the earth not only to offer the gift of His death and resurrection, but to give us the gift of His life. to see how God would interact with people. not with judgment and malicious evangelism, but with love. not with blind acceptance and no accountability, but with a call to more than we often settle for. <br /><br />so i know i went on and on, and even talked about politics for the first time on here, but i hope you can hear in my words my heart to be more than a cliche-wielding, bible thumping Christian. i am not nearly as interested in fitting the mold of a western Christian as i am in fitting the mold of my Savior and my God. i pray for His strength and mercy as i shave off the sins of apathy and reductionism that keep me from fitting that mold.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-79476539178988415542008-03-31T12:19:00.003-05:002008-03-31T21:04:11.398-05:00angry wordsi am angry and frustrated right now. the problem is, i never know what to do with that emotion. i am by nature afraid of confrontation. i avoid it at all costs. for example, my friend made fun of me for the way i very timidly asked him for some money he owed me. "uh, do you think possibly you could pay me back for that dinner the other night? is that ok? if not, blah blah blah blah blah.." i am just a big wimp when it comes to being honest and confronting someone about even the slightest matter. i think at the core of the issue is that i think it is wrong for me to be mad at someone. it took me months and months to be upset with people who have wounded me more deeply than anyone else in my life. i displaced my anger on people on the fringes of the situation or on myself, most of the time. i would think that i messed something up and be mad that i didn't get it right. for some reason, i could never allow myself to fully express my anger, hurt and frustration to the person it was actually directed towards. as a result, frustration fermented into bitterness and cynicism, and i spent well over a year of my life not being me, but rather being this angry, irritable, cynical person. <br /><br />so now i am stuck, because i am frustrated again with someone and don't know what to do with it. i am even more stuck, though, because i am frustrated with God right now. if i can't muster up the guts to tell a person how i feel, how am i ever going to express that to God? i am angry that there is this one thing in my life i want more than anything else, and i consistently do not get it. seemingly all my friends around me have it. people younger than me have it. people who have no respect for this gift at all have it, but i, despite trying to approach this gift in a Godly way, do not. in the past, and in weaker moments, i have expressed my anger to God by knowingly sinning. rebellion, i guess, would be a good label for it. this doesn't help. it drives me further away from God and just makes me angry with myself for messing up. i was doing this because, to be honest, i felt that God owed me this gift and i was going to show my disapproval of not receiving it. God is supposed to give us the desire of our hearts, right? so why is my wish not being honored? i do not want to fall into the traps of depression or sin again, but reiterate that i just don't know how to deal with these feelings. <br /><br />as i pray about this and try to work through it, this scripture keeps popping into my mind about paul's thorn in the flesh. paul prayed three times for it to be taken away, and it was not. keep in mind also that this was the same writer who had learned to be content in all situations. another scripture that came to the surface was Jesus in the garden, asking for the cup to be taken from Him, yet submitting to God's will. so, now i feel foolish for expecting God to grant my desires when He even denied the requests of a powerful witness like paul, not to mention the request of His own Son. it helped put things into perspective for me, that just because God is not my personal genie does not mean He doesn't care for me. also, it made me wonder if i was wanting this gift more than i was desiring intimacy with God, or allowing my possession of this gift to dictate my relationship with God. writing all of this and wrestling with these issues brings several monumental things to the surface. God's will- what is it, how do we seek it, how do we learn to be content within it, how do we find the patience for it to be revealed? sin- why do we choose it, how does it change us, how does it influence God's decisions to bless us or not bless us? lament- do we have a place for it in our lives, do we allow church to be an outlet for it, is it scriptural, how honest can you be with God, what is the difference between lament and just whining? contentment- are content and happy the same thing, can you be content and still desire something you do not have?<br /><br />i do not have the answers to these questions, but i have been thinking about them a lot lately. also, i have been reminded a lot lately that i have not blogged for a while, and would like to be more consistent with that. so, i have decided to tackle some of those issues in the coming weeks, hopefully writing once or twice a week. feel free to comment and get some dialogue going.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-10829663207143833552007-12-17T01:54:00.000-05:002007-12-17T02:53:53.392-05:00welcome to the amoaso i came to realize something today. it all started at the grocery store...<br /><br />(at this point you need to hear that dreamy music and things need to get a little fuzzy. slowly, your vision clears to reveal me, whistling while pushing a shopping cart through the local market.)<br /><br />so, now you see me, behind my cart, collecting my num nums. i stop by the dollar section to get some cookies. first i pick up some circus animal cookies that my roommate likes because he just graduated officially and they were to be his gift. then i get a few bags of the ones i like. they are these cute little bite size chocolate chip cookies that taste like the old mcdonalds cookies you used to buy in the box. and, believe you me, they are to die for. boy, don't get me going on those cookies or i will be a-jabberin away all day. anyway, so at this point i head to the checkout lane. as i make eye contact with the cashier and greet her, i suddenly panic. the reason for my panic is twofold. 1. i dislike forced social interaction. 2. i realize how much of a fatty i am going to look like as i go through the list if items i am about to lay before her. the items are as follows...<br /><br />1 gallon of milk<br />2 bags of salad mix<br />1 package of cooked ham<br />2 gallons of water<br />(and here is where it gets embarrassing)<br />2 bags of betty crocker oatmeal chocolate chip cookie mix<br />2 bags of the aforementioned bite size chocolate chip cookies<br />3 bags of the aforementioned circus animal cookies<br />2 pounds of butter<br /><br />realizing the obese nature of the latter half of my purchases, i make an attempt to lighten the mood by making the following joke to the cashier and her accompanying bagger...<br /><br />"i promise i don't just eat cookies all day..."<br /><br />then i enjoyed the sounds of crickets chirping as they both just stared at me. i felt like a complete idiot. so, i awkwardly swiped my card, grabbed my receipt and headed out, wanting to hit myself in the head and scream "idiot," ala tommy boy.<br /><br />but wait, there's more. for this scene, set later that evening, we zoom in on the entrance to the local meijer superstore, where steve enters with a smile on his face.<br /><br />(ok, do that fuzzy dream sequence thing again)<br /><br />i entered the store on a mission- i needed to find an ergonomic snow shovel at a reasonable price. there was the typical little old lady greeter at the door. after receiving her hearty welcome i said, "you aren't all sold out of snow shovels are you?" (we just had a huge snowstorm) you may think this is where my interaction goes awry, but you are wrong. she smiled and said "no they are back in hardware but there may also be some along the middle of the aisle." heeding her helpful advice, i headed to hardware, grabbed my shovel and went to the checkout. the mental wound of my most recent checkout experience was still oozing, so i opted for the u-scan lane. i scanned my shovel, swiped my card and was on my way, very pleased with my ability to greet a lady and check out with no dorky incident to speak of. but, as fate would have it, i saw little old lady greeter on the way out. she, displaying a sherlock holmes-esque eye for detail, shouted, "i see you found your snow shovel!" i responded with a yes, and things would have been wonderful, had i not whacked myself in the head with my shovel as i turned to address her. again, i left the store humbled and feeling like a bit of a dork. <br /><br />then, to top it off, i got home to use my new shovel and as i walked to the end of my driveway, i totally wiped out... for the second time that day.<br /><br />i had the thought today that maybe i should make shirts that say "adorkable," and people like me could wear them around with pride. we could start a club called the adorkable men of america, and have meetings and social events. dorkiness would reign free, and we would have a wonderful time together spouting off puns and trying not to drop food on our clothing. but until that club takes off, i will live as a dork among men, and amuse myself with my random goofball acts.<br /><br />you may be thinking that i had a rough day. you may be thinking, "steve is pretty cool. this must be very atypical for him." Sorry to burst your bubble, but you are wrong. this is a pretty accurate snapshot of the dorkiness i display on a daily basis. i wrote earlier that i had a bit of an awakening today. my epiphany was not that i am a dork, but rather that i am ok with it. in fact, as i get older, i suppose i think more and more that life is too short to be embarrassed all the time or to try to be someone you are not. i realized as i lay flat on my back in the driveway that being a dork really makes life fun and it gives me something to laugh at. so, if you are a dork, take heart. life can be entertaining because of it. just look at me, the poster child for the amoa.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-68416693412390532192007-10-17T11:21:00.000-05:002007-10-17T12:25:02.907-05:00connectioneveryone is looking for connection, right? it comes through in the smallest ways sometimes- having the same favorite movie as someone else, seeing someone else using burt's bees, cheering on the same sports team, ordering the same meal from a fast food place- we love the feeling of relating or connecting to someone. in fact, some people even misrepresent their preferences in order to feel that common bond. people can all of a sudden become whatever you want them to become in order to feel like they have something to talk about (think of michael scott from the office). the smallest point of connection can even bring the least likely of people together, or at least make their glaring differences become momentarily peripheral. i think connection to another person is something that all humans long for. <br /><br />i also have a theory that i do not believe to be original. i am sure some person in history has said this, but it was a new thought to me. so i apologize to any who believe i am adapting maslow's work or ripping off the musings of someone else i haven't heard of, but i promise there is no intentional plagiarism here, just something i have been thinking about for a while. <br /><br />imagine a pyramid (ok, so maybe i am ripping off maslow, or at least the food groups). at the peak of the pyramid is an intimate relationship with God (not self-actualization or fats, oils and sweets...). this is truly the pinnacle of connection. there is nothing more fulfilling than an encounter with the Divine. this can be experienced through a number of different venues- corporate worship, service, prayer, the presence of the Spirit, etc. knowing God and being known by Him is irreplaceable and impossible to recreate. <br /> <br />now just below this level on the pyramid is intimate relationship with another human. there is nothing wrong with this, but it is obviously inferior to Divine connection. it is also more readily available or at least more easily accessible, thus the broader section on the pyramid. this level could include such things as a great friendship, family bonds, marriage, dating relationships, and sexual relations (within the right context). again, all wonderful things that we can experience, but still a level away from connection to God. <br /><br />the third level is what i described in the opening of the entry- human connection. this can include having the same favorite sports team as someone else, sharing a laugh or humorous experience, making eye contact with a stranger and many other things. again, all good things, but nothing special compared to the levels above.<br /><br />the next level is physical distractions. for instance, if someone cannot find that human connection, they may eat ice cream to avoid feeling sad (and get thicker hips in the process). there are tons of items that fit into this category- money, cars, houses, video games, computers (including online chatting)- anything that can be used in attempt to fill a void. again, not terrible things in and of themselves, but not as desirable as the upper levels.<br /><br />the last and least desirable level is sinful pleasures. this includes anything that can become addictive, such as drugs, alcohol, sexual encounters, pornography and on and on and on. this is by far the most broad category, and thus occupies the base of the pyramid. sinful pleasures are all at the tip of every american's fingers, from the maxim magazines at the 7/11 cash register to the wobbly bar stools of the local sports bar to the sanitized waiting room of the plastic surgeon's office.<br /><br />i think we dwell in the lower region of the pyramid so often because americans have been brought up to believe that the easiest road is the best. why work all our lives when we could just buy that winning lottery ticket and sit on our butts for all of eternity? why try so hard to have a good, solid marriage when we can just get divorced if it doesn't work out? why deal with my problems in a mature, logical way when i can just have jack daniels make the problems go away for a while? why wait for the reward in the end when i can get instant gratification? in the end we trade true, healthy intimacy for a feeling of pleasure, whether it be an orgasm, getting high, feeling popular or well-liked, status or whatever helps at the moment.<br /><br />the scary part of all of this is that the church has not done much better than "the world" in this category, and when we settle, we move further and further away from the top of this pyramid. we cannot settle for a surface relationship with God anymore. we need to throw off what hinders us and truly believe that there is nothing better than an intimate relationship with God. i know it is difficult for me. i am too often lured in by the here and now, instantly gratifying, earthly endorphins and only afterwards can i see that satan is on the other end of the rope that dangles in front of me. i know that reading my Bible will benefit me and draw me closer to God, but a movie is so much more entertaining. i know that a Godly relationship with a Godly woman is what i want, but checking out that website is so much easier and accessible. in my heart i know that connection to God is what i desire, yet i find myself surfing through my phone book trying to find someone else to spend time with. i want to stop settling for cheap replacements and seek after the heart of God. i wonder if the writer of ecclesiastes would agree…StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-67005103909667033332007-06-18T20:24:00.000-05:002007-06-18T21:10:24.972-05:00ramblingsi haven't written for a bit, so i thought i would. normally i reserve posts for moments of inspiration, but this time i just want to type and see what happens. <br /><br />i wonder what it is inside of us that we truly, truly long for. i mean, we say there are so many things we label as concerns or priorities, but what is at the core of everything? God? family? career? security? self? the needs of others? status? avoiding loneliness?<br /><br />i love to be around people most of the time. people make me laugh and think. when i get home from work, sometimes i want to be alone and participate in something mindless and relaxing. but most times, i just long for conversation. i long to connect to someone. so i guess one could say that having valuable relationships is something i place a good deal of stock in. but it makes me wonder in my times of loneliness... you know, when you sign on IM to see who is around and all your friends are away or you try to have people over to watch a movie or play cards and they all have other plans, or you are the 3rd, 5th or 7th wheel yet again....in those times i wonder if i am seeking for a human to try to silence a cry within me that only the Divine can truly mute- a cry for connection and intimacy. i want to be married so i can have someone to be with, to share life with. someone to tell all the stupid little things like that my chair broke at work or that someone said "duties" in an important meeting and i laughed or that i saw that little squirrel at the bottom of my steps again. i want to feel comfortable enough with someone that i let them into my world. i don't want to have to guard myself or keep someone at arm's length. i want to know them and to be known by them. the puzzling thing is that i have someOne waiting to be exactly that for me, yet i choose to not reciprocate the call. God has and always will be there, longing for intimate relationship with His created. His cry is heard through the voices of the prophets, through the incarnation of His Son and through His constant Presence and working in our lives. it reminds me of the following song lyrics-<br /><br />what a friend we have in Jesus<br />all our sins and griefs to bear<br />what a privilege to carry<br />everything to God in prayer<br />oh, what peace we often forfeit,<br />oh, what needless pain we bear<br />all because we do not carry<br />everything to God in prayer<br /><br />i know this is true. i know there are times i gripe to my friends about stressful things or try to come up with solutions to problems without consulting God. i know God will lead me if i ask, but still i resist. i suspect that part of my resistance comes from the idea that it is easier to connect with a kindred spirit wearing earthly clothes than a Divine Spirit i cannot see. how can i seek to know the wind? how can i connect to a Being as unfathomable as God? even as inept as i am at figuring out women, i at least know for the most part what they think of me. and with friends, you can sit and do nothing or talk about nothing and it is fine. so how does this intimacy and friendship translate when it comes to my relationship with God? can i truly know God? can i go to God with nothing in particular to say? does God want to know all the little things? after all, it seems a bit odd to talk to Him about loving chocolate pudding or tripping on the sidewalk in front of a bunch of people. and i know God asks us to cast our cares on Him, but i often avoid it. i tell my friends about my problems, and it is therapeutic, so why do i resist telling God about my problems? <br /><br />i often pray that God will give me that person to connect to. sometimes i think i have found the person. sometimes i think i never will. what i do know is that if i ever find that person who is my soul mate, perfect match or whatever you want to call it, my connection with them will be meaningless if i neglect to keep and improve my connection with God. i must seek Him first and His righteousness, and continue to do so even if these things are not added to me in my time.<br /><br />-footnote-<br />please don't comment and say stuff like "you'll find the one some day, steve." i know it would be heartfelt and you would truly mean it, and i appreciate that. however, my purpose in talking openly about relationships or the lack thereof is not to gain pity or reassurance, but rather just to reiterate how much i believe our earthly relationships can and do parallel our relationship with God.<br />-end footnote-StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-91123037749735523192007-05-10T14:17:00.000-05:002007-05-10T14:48:13.703-05:00feari am sitting here looking out the window. the world outside has so much to be intrigued by, yet so many things that are dangerous. the same world that offers green grass to lie down in and chirping birds and new discoveries also offers dark allies and danger and people looking to hurt us and cause us grief. in the same way, relationships and making ourselves vulnerable to others is a mixed bag. it can bring us so much joy or so much pain to let someone into our lives. so as i sit here and think about the way i view the world outside, i am compelled to write about fear and the way it completely paralyzes us at times.<br /><br /><br />i am afraid. i am afraid no one will like me. i am afraid my joke won't be laughed at. i am afraid you will reject me. i am afraid that if you accept me, then i will have some sort of responsibility to you. i am afraid to be alone. i am afraid to be with someone. i am afraid God doesn't like the things i do. i am afraid i will have to keep doing the things God does like me to do. i am afraid of commitment. i am afraid to let go. i am afraid i haven't done enough. i am afraid i can't do any more. i am afraid to disagree. i am afraid to step out. i am afraid to stand still. i am afraid to dance. i am afraid of darkness. i am afraid to fit into your box. i am afraid to think outside the box. i am afraid i'll miss the punch line. i am afraid to swim. i am afraid fear will cripple me. yet i am still afraid to move. because i am afraid you will think i am worthless, but i am afraid you are wrong.<br /><br /><br />we spend so much of our lives being afraid of what people think. it is crippling. i even saw it in myself with the way i performed my music. when i sang, i was so scared to mess up that i looked like i was going to soil myself on stage. i wasn't afraid of being in front of people. i was afraid of making myself a target for their critique. i used to not have that much fun before concerts because i would work myself into a frenzy, worrying about how i would perform. i would throw up before almost every show. now i let go of it, and i love to perform for people. i love to be on that stage and show people how God has blessed me with a good voice, with a sense of humor and with a gift to write and perform music. in the same way, i have gifts to offer to people around me through my relationship with them, but sometimes my fear of what they will say about me makes me so scared. i used to be this outgoing, bubbly, funny guy, but something changed that made me so hypersensitive to being rejected that i would rather just sit and think alone. well, maybe it's time for me to change the way i interact in this venue, too. maybe it is time i let go of that fear and put myself out there. maybe it's time being afraid becomes a thing of the past.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-69397417492965233962007-05-08T15:28:00.000-05:002007-05-08T16:44:19.694-05:00freedom- it's more than a george michael songsorry it's been so long since i have posted. i have been thinking about this blog for a long time and wondering exactly how i was going to phrase everything, but i am sick of waiting, so you get the unpolished version of my thoughts.<br /><br />i feel like i need to say this before i launch. there are really two things that very much disturb me about some church people. <br /><br />#1. i dislike it beyond words when people choose to take the body that Christ intended to be unified, and divide it over pretty insignificant arguments and issues. (i won't go into it too much, i just don't understand how people cannot get over the fact that churches worship differently and think about women's roles differently and maybe have buildings that don't look the same. we are serving the same God. isn't that enough? or are we serving the idol that bears our church's name in the front lawn? is it going to "compromise our doctrine" to go help someone of another denomination serve the poor? yeah, i bet God would really be ticked about people joining forces to serve Him. sorry, i will stop now.) <br /><br />#2. i do not like it when people think that they have studied the bible so much and are so tight with God that they are exempted from a life of faithful service. (you may have met these people before. you may have pieces of this in you. it seems their knowledge is their reflection of God, not their lives. this bugs me to no end. if one has read the bible and studied and can perfectly spout out an exegesis of a text and write scholarly papers on it, but not live it (or even worse, thinks he or she is entitled to not have to live it), what does that say to non-believers? that would be like me studying a cookbook, knowing all the recipes and ingredients, burning everything i cook, but then opening a restaurant and being surprised that nobody comes to eat my food. that would be like a guy with no arms and legs trying to teach a rock climbing course. that would be as ridiculous as a man walking up to mirror, seeing his reflection, and then forgetting what it looks like as soon as he walks away. i don't get it. there is a great deal of arrogance in doing certain things (drinking in public, saying inappropriate things, making sacrilegious jokes) because you "know" it's ok with God (cause there is nothing in scripture condemning it, right?) and people should just deal with it. that is the opposite of maturity. that is the opposite of what paul calls us to in his discussion on meat offered to idols....ok i am going to quit before i go into a sermon and have to start singing "i am mine no more.")<br /><br />all of this is coming out because i am trying to figure out what it means to be a spiritually mature person. all my life i have been told i am a leader. i've been told i have such an influence over people and i am such an encouragement. i have gotten compliments on my prayers and the sincerity i bring when i lead worship. all of this is great. i am humbled that God can use me to encourage and help other people. i am glad to be a listening ear to people and to minister to the people that surround me. such accolades would lead me to believe that i am a spiritually mature person, but it still feels like there is something missing. it feels as though there is more i can do. now, i know there is ALWAYS more we can do to serve God. i am not getting down myself or my work, just saying what i feel. i must confess that if i had offered the aforementioned sermon and invitation, i would come forward. i am starting to think that what i despise the most in others is what i see glimpses of in myself and what i don't want to become. does that make sense? you know how "person a" will say they can't stand "person b," and then "person c" says "that's because you are just alike." that is what i think is going on here. i have judgment in my heart and i don't want to let it fester. i have these crazy thoughts sometimes that maybe because i am on a church payroll i don't have to try as hard to get rid of the things that i struggle with, as if God owes me a few vices to help me cope. illogical i know, but welcome to my brain. so, that entire rant could easily be flipped to me, because i know those things i see in myself and others are not things i see reflected in the person of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />so, when i think even more about what may be keeping me from feeling like everything is kosher, i start to think (again) about how discipline plays into this whole matter of maturity. when i was going without meat, i felt great. it felt like i was accomplishing something. i had sacrificed something on my own for God, and kept to it without anyone having to keep me in check. i say this not to be a braggart, but just to point out how satisfying it feels to discipline ourselves. during that time, i could have cheated. no one would have known. i could have hidden turkeys in my desk at work and pretended to be meditating while i ate them. (a few candles make anything look spiritual, and depending on the scent could add a nice flavor if used for rotisserie cooking....i'd imagine....) i could have hollowed out the hard boiled eggs and filled them with various delicatessen meats, but i didn't (although now that i think about it....nevermind). i had discipline and decided not to abuse the freedom i had.<br /><br />freedom and discipline are interesting things to think about. honestly, we can choose to do whatever we want. God has made us "free moral agents," right? want to rob a bank? the cash is yours for the taking. want to swear all the time? why the cuss word not? have a desire to speak to your friends in a demeaning way? go for it, idiot. we can ultimately do whatever we choose to do. but i am starting to see more and more that spiritual maturity comes by choosing to exercise discipline instead of our freedoms. instead of choosing to be divisive and hurtful in our church, we can choose to be understanding and loving. instead of hurting people with our words, we can choose to build up and edify each other. instead of playing games with people, we can choose honesty and respect. instead of expecting people to "get over it" if they don't like what we are doing, we can choose to alter our actions for the sake of not offending people. <br /><br />so, this is what i am challenging myself with. i am going to pledge to God and myself to choose discipline over freedom. i will choose to study scripture even though i know the story. i will choose to pray even though God already knows what i am thinking. I will choose to tithe even though God doesn’t need my money. i will choose to speak words filled with love and purity even if what i want to say will get a laugh. i will choose to turn to God for strength despite having the ability to rely on myself. i will choose to turn from private sins even though they may not directly affect anyone but me. i will choose to follow God's voice and not my own. i will choose to allow Him to increase even though it means i must decrease. i will choose service over self-service. i will choose the Cross over the crowd. i will choose to let God sit on the throne instead of me. i will choose to dance with God instead of being a wallflower. i will choose to die, and as a result, i will choose to live.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9222165007883214544.post-33714562443642137252007-03-22T18:17:00.000-05:002007-03-22T19:00:10.382-05:00radicalso, when i was just a young whippersnapper, radical was, like, totally a valley girl/ surfer term. you would hear it thrown in every once in a great while on shows like saved by the bell, the california dreams (do you remember that show? it was like saved by the bell meets the partridge family meets.....a really crappy group of writers and actors) and then, of course, tmnt.<br /><br />-sidenote-<br />what is with this new turtles movie coming out? i have very mixed emotions about it. i mean, the first ones were good. if you can pull in a social icon like vanilla ice into your movie sequel, you must be doing something right. but now, they are animated. no modern parallel to vanilla ice (if one exists) is going to want to be animated. they are shooting themselves in the foot in my opinion, but i may need to go see it at the dollar theatre after a while. i know one thing- it's not going to be up to par with the brave little toaster, the best animated film EVER!<br />-end sidenote-<br /><br />so, back to radical. i have always thought of it as something that you say, not something you live. then this book that is all the rage on our campus came along and gave this word new meaning. the book is the irresistible revolution by shane claiborne. the author just came and spoke in our chapel program and was great. he has so many challenging things to say in the book. not only does he say challenging things, but his life is a challenge in and of itself. he has basically decided to live out the call of Jesus and try his best to model the sacrificial attitude and lifestyle we read of in the early church. but don't take my word for it, buy the book and read it (all the profit goes to charity). <br /><br />so all of this talk about wealth and possessions and knowing (not just knowing of) the poor has got me reeling. my head is hurting and spinning, working overtime trying to figure out how my life should look when it is exposed to this truth. this truth, by the way, is not that studying scripture doesn't have value. this truth is not that experience trumps or negates the Bible. this truth is not that being a part of a traditional, americanized church is bad. what i identify as the truth of this book is that often times we as followers of Christ are more like admirers of Christ. sure we know Jesus, but do we follow Him? have we become fans of Jesus who wear our Jesus fan gear as if He were payton manning and we were cheering Him on in the super bowl? are we willing to follow Christ with our lives, not just our thoughts or our words or even with our hearts? the Christian life is hard. it is unnatural. it is countercultural. but if we truly want to follow Christ, that is what we are signing up for. we are agreeing to take the chance of being uncomfortable and penniless. we are agreeing to make ourselves vulnerable by choosing to love people without expecting to get anything back. if we follow Him with all we have, we are likely to get hurt and maybe even taken advantage of. <br /><br />now, this is not a guarantee either. i am not saying that if your life doesn't have difficult situations, you must be doing something wrong. but i think we need to be aware of the possibilities of what it means to follow Christ. this health and wealth Gospel we hear from some is not only inaccurate, it is unscriptural. you can throw the prayer of jabez at me all you want to say i am wrong, because i have this little book of job in my corner, as well as the model of the life of Jesus himself. following Christ does not exempt us from all bad things. life is going to be hard at times, but we are not to let our circumstances dictate our level of faith. we are not to let our perception of ourselves as "struggling financially" exempt us from helping those around us. we can't get so wrapped up in ourselves that we neglect the people around us. <br /><br />i am realizing as i type just how hard it is for me to land on a coherent thought about this topic. my mind is jumping all around because there is so much to it. so i just want to pose a bunch of questions to ask ourselves, both practical questions and those which cut right to the heart of our walk with God. i challenge you to ask these questions of yourself and view them through the lense of Jesus- His life, His teaching, and His call to the people who are bold enough to wear His Name.<br /><br />who is my neighbor? how far are we to go with social justice and social action? does He REALLY mean we are to sell everything and give it to the poor and follow Him? wasn't that just the rich young ruler? should i have a retirement plan? should i own a tv? do i have too many clothes? are there people suffering right under my nose that i don't pause to notice? am i serving God with my time, money and abilities? Should I rent an apartment or own a house? What kind of car should I drive? does the church need professional ministry staff? what about foreign missions? isn't there so much to do here? is america making it harder for me to be a Christian? does God care about what companies we buy our jeans and shoes from? do we support inhumane actions when we buy products from companies who use sweat shops? how could i use my free time to serve? are there children in my life that i could help raise in a Godly way? <br /><br />i hope this post wasn't too disjointed. there are a lot of people rethinking what it means to be followers. i am truly thankful for this book and all the people who have stepped back to think about its contents. this process of examining myself and my ministry has been and will continue to be very healthy for me, and i hope we can all constantly be searching ourselves to make sure we are always striving to serve the Kingdom in more profound ways.StevenDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17553646099944541240noreply@blogger.com1