sorry it's been so long since i have posted. i have been thinking about this blog for a long time and wondering exactly how i was going to phrase everything, but i am sick of waiting, so you get the unpolished version of my thoughts.
i feel like i need to say this before i launch. there are really two things that very much disturb me about some church people.
#1. i dislike it beyond words when people choose to take the body that Christ intended to be unified, and divide it over pretty insignificant arguments and issues. (i won't go into it too much, i just don't understand how people cannot get over the fact that churches worship differently and think about women's roles differently and maybe have buildings that don't look the same. we are serving the same God. isn't that enough? or are we serving the idol that bears our church's name in the front lawn? is it going to "compromise our doctrine" to go help someone of another denomination serve the poor? yeah, i bet God would really be ticked about people joining forces to serve Him. sorry, i will stop now.)
#2. i do not like it when people think that they have studied the bible so much and are so tight with God that they are exempted from a life of faithful service. (you may have met these people before. you may have pieces of this in you. it seems their knowledge is their reflection of God, not their lives. this bugs me to no end. if one has read the bible and studied and can perfectly spout out an exegesis of a text and write scholarly papers on it, but not live it (or even worse, thinks he or she is entitled to not have to live it), what does that say to non-believers? that would be like me studying a cookbook, knowing all the recipes and ingredients, burning everything i cook, but then opening a restaurant and being surprised that nobody comes to eat my food. that would be like a guy with no arms and legs trying to teach a rock climbing course. that would be as ridiculous as a man walking up to mirror, seeing his reflection, and then forgetting what it looks like as soon as he walks away. i don't get it. there is a great deal of arrogance in doing certain things (drinking in public, saying inappropriate things, making sacrilegious jokes) because you "know" it's ok with God (cause there is nothing in scripture condemning it, right?) and people should just deal with it. that is the opposite of maturity. that is the opposite of what paul calls us to in his discussion on meat offered to idols....ok i am going to quit before i go into a sermon and have to start singing "i am mine no more.")
all of this is coming out because i am trying to figure out what it means to be a spiritually mature person. all my life i have been told i am a leader. i've been told i have such an influence over people and i am such an encouragement. i have gotten compliments on my prayers and the sincerity i bring when i lead worship. all of this is great. i am humbled that God can use me to encourage and help other people. i am glad to be a listening ear to people and to minister to the people that surround me. such accolades would lead me to believe that i am a spiritually mature person, but it still feels like there is something missing. it feels as though there is more i can do. now, i know there is ALWAYS more we can do to serve God. i am not getting down myself or my work, just saying what i feel. i must confess that if i had offered the aforementioned sermon and invitation, i would come forward. i am starting to think that what i despise the most in others is what i see glimpses of in myself and what i don't want to become. does that make sense? you know how "person a" will say they can't stand "person b," and then "person c" says "that's because you are just alike." that is what i think is going on here. i have judgment in my heart and i don't want to let it fester. i have these crazy thoughts sometimes that maybe because i am on a church payroll i don't have to try as hard to get rid of the things that i struggle with, as if God owes me a few vices to help me cope. illogical i know, but welcome to my brain. so, that entire rant could easily be flipped to me, because i know those things i see in myself and others are not things i see reflected in the person of Jesus Christ.
so, when i think even more about what may be keeping me from feeling like everything is kosher, i start to think (again) about how discipline plays into this whole matter of maturity. when i was going without meat, i felt great. it felt like i was accomplishing something. i had sacrificed something on my own for God, and kept to it without anyone having to keep me in check. i say this not to be a braggart, but just to point out how satisfying it feels to discipline ourselves. during that time, i could have cheated. no one would have known. i could have hidden turkeys in my desk at work and pretended to be meditating while i ate them. (a few candles make anything look spiritual, and depending on the scent could add a nice flavor if used for rotisserie cooking....i'd imagine....) i could have hollowed out the hard boiled eggs and filled them with various delicatessen meats, but i didn't (although now that i think about it....nevermind). i had discipline and decided not to abuse the freedom i had.
freedom and discipline are interesting things to think about. honestly, we can choose to do whatever we want. God has made us "free moral agents," right? want to rob a bank? the cash is yours for the taking. want to swear all the time? why the cuss word not? have a desire to speak to your friends in a demeaning way? go for it, idiot. we can ultimately do whatever we choose to do. but i am starting to see more and more that spiritual maturity comes by choosing to exercise discipline instead of our freedoms. instead of choosing to be divisive and hurtful in our church, we can choose to be understanding and loving. instead of hurting people with our words, we can choose to build up and edify each other. instead of playing games with people, we can choose honesty and respect. instead of expecting people to "get over it" if they don't like what we are doing, we can choose to alter our actions for the sake of not offending people.
so, this is what i am challenging myself with. i am going to pledge to God and myself to choose discipline over freedom. i will choose to study scripture even though i know the story. i will choose to pray even though God already knows what i am thinking. I will choose to tithe even though God doesn’t need my money. i will choose to speak words filled with love and purity even if what i want to say will get a laugh. i will choose to turn to God for strength despite having the ability to rely on myself. i will choose to turn from private sins even though they may not directly affect anyone but me. i will choose to follow God's voice and not my own. i will choose to allow Him to increase even though it means i must decrease. i will choose service over self-service. i will choose the Cross over the crowd. i will choose to let God sit on the throne instead of me. i will choose to dance with God instead of being a wallflower. i will choose to die, and as a result, i will choose to live.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
radical
so, when i was just a young whippersnapper, radical was, like, totally a valley girl/ surfer term. you would hear it thrown in every once in a great while on shows like saved by the bell, the california dreams (do you remember that show? it was like saved by the bell meets the partridge family meets.....a really crappy group of writers and actors) and then, of course, tmnt.
-sidenote-
what is with this new turtles movie coming out? i have very mixed emotions about it. i mean, the first ones were good. if you can pull in a social icon like vanilla ice into your movie sequel, you must be doing something right. but now, they are animated. no modern parallel to vanilla ice (if one exists) is going to want to be animated. they are shooting themselves in the foot in my opinion, but i may need to go see it at the dollar theatre after a while. i know one thing- it's not going to be up to par with the brave little toaster, the best animated film EVER!
-end sidenote-
so, back to radical. i have always thought of it as something that you say, not something you live. then this book that is all the rage on our campus came along and gave this word new meaning. the book is the irresistible revolution by shane claiborne. the author just came and spoke in our chapel program and was great. he has so many challenging things to say in the book. not only does he say challenging things, but his life is a challenge in and of itself. he has basically decided to live out the call of Jesus and try his best to model the sacrificial attitude and lifestyle we read of in the early church. but don't take my word for it, buy the book and read it (all the profit goes to charity).
so all of this talk about wealth and possessions and knowing (not just knowing of) the poor has got me reeling. my head is hurting and spinning, working overtime trying to figure out how my life should look when it is exposed to this truth. this truth, by the way, is not that studying scripture doesn't have value. this truth is not that experience trumps or negates the Bible. this truth is not that being a part of a traditional, americanized church is bad. what i identify as the truth of this book is that often times we as followers of Christ are more like admirers of Christ. sure we know Jesus, but do we follow Him? have we become fans of Jesus who wear our Jesus fan gear as if He were payton manning and we were cheering Him on in the super bowl? are we willing to follow Christ with our lives, not just our thoughts or our words or even with our hearts? the Christian life is hard. it is unnatural. it is countercultural. but if we truly want to follow Christ, that is what we are signing up for. we are agreeing to take the chance of being uncomfortable and penniless. we are agreeing to make ourselves vulnerable by choosing to love people without expecting to get anything back. if we follow Him with all we have, we are likely to get hurt and maybe even taken advantage of.
now, this is not a guarantee either. i am not saying that if your life doesn't have difficult situations, you must be doing something wrong. but i think we need to be aware of the possibilities of what it means to follow Christ. this health and wealth Gospel we hear from some is not only inaccurate, it is unscriptural. you can throw the prayer of jabez at me all you want to say i am wrong, because i have this little book of job in my corner, as well as the model of the life of Jesus himself. following Christ does not exempt us from all bad things. life is going to be hard at times, but we are not to let our circumstances dictate our level of faith. we are not to let our perception of ourselves as "struggling financially" exempt us from helping those around us. we can't get so wrapped up in ourselves that we neglect the people around us.
i am realizing as i type just how hard it is for me to land on a coherent thought about this topic. my mind is jumping all around because there is so much to it. so i just want to pose a bunch of questions to ask ourselves, both practical questions and those which cut right to the heart of our walk with God. i challenge you to ask these questions of yourself and view them through the lense of Jesus- His life, His teaching, and His call to the people who are bold enough to wear His Name.
who is my neighbor? how far are we to go with social justice and social action? does He REALLY mean we are to sell everything and give it to the poor and follow Him? wasn't that just the rich young ruler? should i have a retirement plan? should i own a tv? do i have too many clothes? are there people suffering right under my nose that i don't pause to notice? am i serving God with my time, money and abilities? Should I rent an apartment or own a house? What kind of car should I drive? does the church need professional ministry staff? what about foreign missions? isn't there so much to do here? is america making it harder for me to be a Christian? does God care about what companies we buy our jeans and shoes from? do we support inhumane actions when we buy products from companies who use sweat shops? how could i use my free time to serve? are there children in my life that i could help raise in a Godly way?
i hope this post wasn't too disjointed. there are a lot of people rethinking what it means to be followers. i am truly thankful for this book and all the people who have stepped back to think about its contents. this process of examining myself and my ministry has been and will continue to be very healthy for me, and i hope we can all constantly be searching ourselves to make sure we are always striving to serve the Kingdom in more profound ways.
-sidenote-
what is with this new turtles movie coming out? i have very mixed emotions about it. i mean, the first ones were good. if you can pull in a social icon like vanilla ice into your movie sequel, you must be doing something right. but now, they are animated. no modern parallel to vanilla ice (if one exists) is going to want to be animated. they are shooting themselves in the foot in my opinion, but i may need to go see it at the dollar theatre after a while. i know one thing- it's not going to be up to par with the brave little toaster, the best animated film EVER!
-end sidenote-
so, back to radical. i have always thought of it as something that you say, not something you live. then this book that is all the rage on our campus came along and gave this word new meaning. the book is the irresistible revolution by shane claiborne. the author just came and spoke in our chapel program and was great. he has so many challenging things to say in the book. not only does he say challenging things, but his life is a challenge in and of itself. he has basically decided to live out the call of Jesus and try his best to model the sacrificial attitude and lifestyle we read of in the early church. but don't take my word for it, buy the book and read it (all the profit goes to charity).
so all of this talk about wealth and possessions and knowing (not just knowing of) the poor has got me reeling. my head is hurting and spinning, working overtime trying to figure out how my life should look when it is exposed to this truth. this truth, by the way, is not that studying scripture doesn't have value. this truth is not that experience trumps or negates the Bible. this truth is not that being a part of a traditional, americanized church is bad. what i identify as the truth of this book is that often times we as followers of Christ are more like admirers of Christ. sure we know Jesus, but do we follow Him? have we become fans of Jesus who wear our Jesus fan gear as if He were payton manning and we were cheering Him on in the super bowl? are we willing to follow Christ with our lives, not just our thoughts or our words or even with our hearts? the Christian life is hard. it is unnatural. it is countercultural. but if we truly want to follow Christ, that is what we are signing up for. we are agreeing to take the chance of being uncomfortable and penniless. we are agreeing to make ourselves vulnerable by choosing to love people without expecting to get anything back. if we follow Him with all we have, we are likely to get hurt and maybe even taken advantage of.
now, this is not a guarantee either. i am not saying that if your life doesn't have difficult situations, you must be doing something wrong. but i think we need to be aware of the possibilities of what it means to follow Christ. this health and wealth Gospel we hear from some is not only inaccurate, it is unscriptural. you can throw the prayer of jabez at me all you want to say i am wrong, because i have this little book of job in my corner, as well as the model of the life of Jesus himself. following Christ does not exempt us from all bad things. life is going to be hard at times, but we are not to let our circumstances dictate our level of faith. we are not to let our perception of ourselves as "struggling financially" exempt us from helping those around us. we can't get so wrapped up in ourselves that we neglect the people around us.
i am realizing as i type just how hard it is for me to land on a coherent thought about this topic. my mind is jumping all around because there is so much to it. so i just want to pose a bunch of questions to ask ourselves, both practical questions and those which cut right to the heart of our walk with God. i challenge you to ask these questions of yourself and view them through the lense of Jesus- His life, His teaching, and His call to the people who are bold enough to wear His Name.
who is my neighbor? how far are we to go with social justice and social action? does He REALLY mean we are to sell everything and give it to the poor and follow Him? wasn't that just the rich young ruler? should i have a retirement plan? should i own a tv? do i have too many clothes? are there people suffering right under my nose that i don't pause to notice? am i serving God with my time, money and abilities? Should I rent an apartment or own a house? What kind of car should I drive? does the church need professional ministry staff? what about foreign missions? isn't there so much to do here? is america making it harder for me to be a Christian? does God care about what companies we buy our jeans and shoes from? do we support inhumane actions when we buy products from companies who use sweat shops? how could i use my free time to serve? are there children in my life that i could help raise in a Godly way?
i hope this post wasn't too disjointed. there are a lot of people rethinking what it means to be followers. i am truly thankful for this book and all the people who have stepped back to think about its contents. this process of examining myself and my ministry has been and will continue to be very healthy for me, and i hope we can all constantly be searching ourselves to make sure we are always striving to serve the Kingdom in more profound ways.
Friday, March 9, 2007
my car (update)
(fyi- my car is being 100% covered by saturn. yeah! thanks for the prayers.)
sorry to finally post and then have it be this self-serving, but i want to ask anyone who reads this to pray that saturn will pay for my car to be fixed. long story short, i don't keep records of my oil changes (big mistake apparently) and now that my engine is blown on a year old car, they are trying to use my lack of proof to say i didn't take proper care of my car and want me to pay for the engine and labor. well, the guy at the dealer is going to try to fight for me to have to only pay labor costs or nothing at all. since this car is a year old, i think it's ridiculous that i should have to pay anything, and I really don’t need the headache of fighting with customer service and all that jazz, so I hope he just comes back and says it is all covered. i hope you will join me in praying for that result. thanks in advance for your prayers.
-sidenote-
I still think saturn is a great car company and makes great vehicles. I just think they are like any business and the bottom line is turning a profit.
-end sidenote-
sorry to finally post and then have it be this self-serving, but i want to ask anyone who reads this to pray that saturn will pay for my car to be fixed. long story short, i don't keep records of my oil changes (big mistake apparently) and now that my engine is blown on a year old car, they are trying to use my lack of proof to say i didn't take proper care of my car and want me to pay for the engine and labor. well, the guy at the dealer is going to try to fight for me to have to only pay labor costs or nothing at all. since this car is a year old, i think it's ridiculous that i should have to pay anything, and I really don’t need the headache of fighting with customer service and all that jazz, so I hope he just comes back and says it is all covered. i hope you will join me in praying for that result. thanks in advance for your prayers.
-sidenote-
I still think saturn is a great car company and makes great vehicles. I just think they are like any business and the bottom line is turning a profit.
-end sidenote-
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