connection

everyone is looking for connection, right? it comes through in the smallest ways sometimes- having the same favorite movie as someone else, seeing someone else using burt's bees, cheering on the same sports team, ordering the same meal from a fast food place- we love the feeling of relating or connecting to someone. in fact, some people even misrepresent their preferences in order to feel that common bond. people can all of a sudden become whatever you want them to become in order to feel like they have something to talk about (think of michael scott from the office). the smallest point of connection can even bring the least likely of people together, or at least make their glaring differences become momentarily peripheral. i think connection to another person is something that all humans long for.

i also have a theory that i do not believe to be original. i am sure some person in history has said this, but it was a new thought to me. so i apologize to any who believe i am adapting maslow's work or ripping off the musings of someone else i haven't heard of, but i promise there is no intentional plagiarism here, just something i have been thinking about for a while.

imagine a pyramid (ok, so maybe i am ripping off maslow, or at least the food groups). at the peak of the pyramid is an intimate relationship with God (not self-actualization or fats, oils and sweets...). this is truly the pinnacle of connection. there is nothing more fulfilling than an encounter with the Divine. this can be experienced through a number of different venues- corporate worship, service, prayer, the presence of the Spirit, etc. knowing God and being known by Him is irreplaceable and impossible to recreate.

now just below this level on the pyramid is intimate relationship with another human. there is nothing wrong with this, but it is obviously inferior to Divine connection. it is also more readily available or at least more easily accessible, thus the broader section on the pyramid. this level could include such things as a great friendship, family bonds, marriage, dating relationships, and sexual relations (within the right context). again, all wonderful things that we can experience, but still a level away from connection to God.

the third level is what i described in the opening of the entry- human connection. this can include having the same favorite sports team as someone else, sharing a laugh or humorous experience, making eye contact with a stranger and many other things. again, all good things, but nothing special compared to the levels above.

the next level is physical distractions. for instance, if someone cannot find that human connection, they may eat ice cream to avoid feeling sad (and get thicker hips in the process). there are tons of items that fit into this category- money, cars, houses, video games, computers (including online chatting)- anything that can be used in attempt to fill a void. again, not terrible things in and of themselves, but not as desirable as the upper levels.

the last and least desirable level is sinful pleasures. this includes anything that can become addictive, such as drugs, alcohol, sexual encounters, pornography and on and on and on. this is by far the most broad category, and thus occupies the base of the pyramid. sinful pleasures are all at the tip of every american's fingers, from the maxim magazines at the 7/11 cash register to the wobbly bar stools of the local sports bar to the sanitized waiting room of the plastic surgeon's office.

i think we dwell in the lower region of the pyramid so often because americans have been brought up to believe that the easiest road is the best. why work all our lives when we could just buy that winning lottery ticket and sit on our butts for all of eternity? why try so hard to have a good, solid marriage when we can just get divorced if it doesn't work out? why deal with my problems in a mature, logical way when i can just have jack daniels make the problems go away for a while? why wait for the reward in the end when i can get instant gratification? in the end we trade true, healthy intimacy for a feeling of pleasure, whether it be an orgasm, getting high, feeling popular or well-liked, status or whatever helps at the moment.

the scary part of all of this is that the church has not done much better than "the world" in this category, and when we settle, we move further and further away from the top of this pyramid. we cannot settle for a surface relationship with God anymore. we need to throw off what hinders us and truly believe that there is nothing better than an intimate relationship with God. i know it is difficult for me. i am too often lured in by the here and now, instantly gratifying, earthly endorphins and only afterwards can i see that satan is on the other end of the rope that dangles in front of me. i know that reading my Bible will benefit me and draw me closer to God, but a movie is so much more entertaining. i know that a Godly relationship with a Godly woman is what i want, but checking out that website is so much easier and accessible. in my heart i know that connection to God is what i desire, yet i find myself surfing through my phone book trying to find someone else to spend time with. i want to stop settling for cheap replacements and seek after the heart of God. i wonder if the writer of ecclesiastes would agree…

ramblings

i haven't written for a bit, so i thought i would. normally i reserve posts for moments of inspiration, but this time i just want to type and see what happens.

i wonder what it is inside of us that we truly, truly long for. i mean, we say there are so many things we label as concerns or priorities, but what is at the core of everything? God? family? career? security? self? the needs of others? status? avoiding loneliness?

i love to be around people most of the time. people make me laugh and think. when i get home from work, sometimes i want to be alone and participate in something mindless and relaxing. but most times, i just long for conversation. i long to connect to someone. so i guess one could say that having valuable relationships is something i place a good deal of stock in. but it makes me wonder in my times of loneliness... you know, when you sign on IM to see who is around and all your friends are away or you try to have people over to watch a movie or play cards and they all have other plans, or you are the 3rd, 5th or 7th wheel yet again....in those times i wonder if i am seeking for a human to try to silence a cry within me that only the Divine can truly mute- a cry for connection and intimacy. i want to be married so i can have someone to be with, to share life with. someone to tell all the stupid little things like that my chair broke at work or that someone said "duties" in an important meeting and i laughed or that i saw that little squirrel at the bottom of my steps again. i want to feel comfortable enough with someone that i let them into my world. i don't want to have to guard myself or keep someone at arm's length. i want to know them and to be known by them. the puzzling thing is that i have someOne waiting to be exactly that for me, yet i choose to not reciprocate the call. God has and always will be there, longing for intimate relationship with His created. His cry is heard through the voices of the prophets, through the incarnation of His Son and through His constant Presence and working in our lives. it reminds me of the following song lyrics-

what a friend we have in Jesus
all our sins and griefs to bear
what a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer
oh, what peace we often forfeit,
oh, what needless pain we bear
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer

i know this is true. i know there are times i gripe to my friends about stressful things or try to come up with solutions to problems without consulting God. i know God will lead me if i ask, but still i resist. i suspect that part of my resistance comes from the idea that it is easier to connect with a kindred spirit wearing earthly clothes than a Divine Spirit i cannot see. how can i seek to know the wind? how can i connect to a Being as unfathomable as God? even as inept as i am at figuring out women, i at least know for the most part what they think of me. and with friends, you can sit and do nothing or talk about nothing and it is fine. so how does this intimacy and friendship translate when it comes to my relationship with God? can i truly know God? can i go to God with nothing in particular to say? does God want to know all the little things? after all, it seems a bit odd to talk to Him about loving chocolate pudding or tripping on the sidewalk in front of a bunch of people. and i know God asks us to cast our cares on Him, but i often avoid it. i tell my friends about my problems, and it is therapeutic, so why do i resist telling God about my problems?

i often pray that God will give me that person to connect to. sometimes i think i have found the person. sometimes i think i never will. what i do know is that if i ever find that person who is my soul mate, perfect match or whatever you want to call it, my connection with them will be meaningless if i neglect to keep and improve my connection with God. i must seek Him first and His righteousness, and continue to do so even if these things are not added to me in my time.

-footnote-
please don't comment and say stuff like "you'll find the one some day, steve." i know it would be heartfelt and you would truly mean it, and i appreciate that. however, my purpose in talking openly about relationships or the lack thereof is not to gain pity or reassurance, but rather just to reiterate how much i believe our earthly relationships can and do parallel our relationship with God.
-end footnote-

fear

i am sitting here looking out the window. the world outside has so much to be intrigued by, yet so many things that are dangerous. the same world that offers green grass to lie down in and chirping birds and new discoveries also offers dark allies and danger and people looking to hurt us and cause us grief. in the same way, relationships and making ourselves vulnerable to others is a mixed bag. it can bring us so much joy or so much pain to let someone into our lives. so as i sit here and think about the way i view the world outside, i am compelled to write about fear and the way it completely paralyzes us at times.


i am afraid. i am afraid no one will like me. i am afraid my joke won't be laughed at. i am afraid you will reject me. i am afraid that if you accept me, then i will have some sort of responsibility to you. i am afraid to be alone. i am afraid to be with someone. i am afraid God doesn't like the things i do. i am afraid i will have to keep doing the things God does like me to do. i am afraid of commitment. i am afraid to let go. i am afraid i haven't done enough. i am afraid i can't do any more. i am afraid to disagree. i am afraid to step out. i am afraid to stand still. i am afraid to dance. i am afraid of darkness. i am afraid to fit into your box. i am afraid to think outside the box. i am afraid i'll miss the punch line. i am afraid to swim. i am afraid fear will cripple me. yet i am still afraid to move. because i am afraid you will think i am worthless, but i am afraid you are wrong.


we spend so much of our lives being afraid of what people think. it is crippling. i even saw it in myself with the way i performed my music. when i sang, i was so scared to mess up that i looked like i was going to soil myself on stage. i wasn't afraid of being in front of people. i was afraid of making myself a target for their critique. i used to not have that much fun before concerts because i would work myself into a frenzy, worrying about how i would perform. i would throw up before almost every show. now i let go of it, and i love to perform for people. i love to be on that stage and show people how God has blessed me with a good voice, with a sense of humor and with a gift to write and perform music. in the same way, i have gifts to offer to people around me through my relationship with them, but sometimes my fear of what they will say about me makes me so scared. i used to be this outgoing, bubbly, funny guy, but something changed that made me so hypersensitive to being rejected that i would rather just sit and think alone. well, maybe it's time for me to change the way i interact in this venue, too. maybe it is time i let go of that fear and put myself out there. maybe it's time being afraid becomes a thing of the past.