Deep Thoughts by Steve

Here are just a few of the things that float around my mind...some of these have been listed in my various profiles, but i wanted to make sure everyone can share in them.

i submit that sporks are the perfect eating utensil, able both to poke and to scoop. also high on my list of utensils are stroons (combination straw and spoon). pretty much anything combined with a spoon is cool, except for electronics (found that out the hard way).

i plan to start one of my many businesses soon. check these out...and i am not even a marketing or business major.

business #1- Corp's Sporks and Stroons (a factory which will produce the aforementioned utensils.)
business #2- None (this would be a department store. our slogan- You've heard other stores claim to be second to none, and we'll prove them right.)
business #3- Toast N' Bagel (this will be the real cash cow. we will offer pre-toasted breakfast treats. scenario- you wake up late for work, and don't have the time it takes to toast some bread, bagels or toaster pastries (not Pop-Tarts, i won't bow to corporate sponsors). so, you call in an order to toast n' bagel and we have your treat toasted to perfection and ready for you when you drive through. also, we sing the jingle for you as you pull up to the window (or dine in), which goes like this....AHEM....toast n' bagel, toast n' bagel. we make toast, we make bagels, YEAH! (jazz hands extend on YEAH). just call me bill gates. also, we'll have milk.)
business #4- a branch of Sears Essentials Big O Tires which, instead of tires, sells infant footwear. the name- Big O Booties. i plan to franchise it if you are interested.

if life hands you lemons, use them to squeeze the juice into the eyes of someone you don't really like, then make lemonade with the rest.

i really hate it when people say "i could care less." that means that it IS somewhat important to you. instead, say "i COULDN'T care less." that means it is the last thing on your caring priority list. (Kirsten, this means you.)

i also hate it when people misuse homonyms. i mean, they even have online dictionaries now. you don't even have to use one of those nasty book things with all their pages and information. is it that hard to know which word to use?
Example-
Person A- “Do you think i talk to much?”
Me (in my head of course)- I don't know if you talk to much. i am not acquainted with "much," who is obviously a person or a personified noun of some sort since you speak to much. Do i think you talk TOO much? yes. i especially think you talk with incorrect grammar too much.
Other examples- misuse of they're, their and there, as well as you're and your.

i have a theory that pushing a shopping cart makes people totally, 100% oblivious to the people around them. hang out at your local grocery distribution center and test my theory sometime.

if anyone can find a film better than "the brave little toaster," i don't know how.

next time you want to say "that's so cool," say "that's so raven" instead. it'll catch on.

do people with multiple personalities ever really talk to themselves?

i bet if you were a cop and you pulled someone over, you wouldn’t find it funny if the person you pulled over was dressed like a cop, too and mimicked everything you said. also, i bet you wouldn’t think it was funny to find the lawbreaker dressed up like a pig and playing an old N.W.A. cd. i bet you might even make the person get out of his car on the side of 59 and walk a straight line and then cuff him and maybe jab him in the ribs with your club and have him spend a night in jail until someone bails him out. oh, yeah. i still owe my mom that money…

you don’t find too many people with scurvy anymore. i bet it is because we don’t use the word “swashbucklers” a lot. everyone who did inevitably got scurvy. i guess if you want a more “textbook” reason it could either be the increase of fresh fruit and vitamin c consumption, the advancement of dental care technology or not wearing bandannas as much. most likely, it’s the bandanna thing, though.