Thursday, May 10, 2007

fear

i am sitting here looking out the window. the world outside has so much to be intrigued by, yet so many things that are dangerous. the same world that offers green grass to lie down in and chirping birds and new discoveries also offers dark allies and danger and people looking to hurt us and cause us grief. in the same way, relationships and making ourselves vulnerable to others is a mixed bag. it can bring us so much joy or so much pain to let someone into our lives. so as i sit here and think about the way i view the world outside, i am compelled to write about fear and the way it completely paralyzes us at times.


i am afraid. i am afraid no one will like me. i am afraid my joke won't be laughed at. i am afraid you will reject me. i am afraid that if you accept me, then i will have some sort of responsibility to you. i am afraid to be alone. i am afraid to be with someone. i am afraid God doesn't like the things i do. i am afraid i will have to keep doing the things God does like me to do. i am afraid of commitment. i am afraid to let go. i am afraid i haven't done enough. i am afraid i can't do any more. i am afraid to disagree. i am afraid to step out. i am afraid to stand still. i am afraid to dance. i am afraid of darkness. i am afraid to fit into your box. i am afraid to think outside the box. i am afraid i'll miss the punch line. i am afraid to swim. i am afraid fear will cripple me. yet i am still afraid to move. because i am afraid you will think i am worthless, but i am afraid you are wrong.


we spend so much of our lives being afraid of what people think. it is crippling. i even saw it in myself with the way i performed my music. when i sang, i was so scared to mess up that i looked like i was going to soil myself on stage. i wasn't afraid of being in front of people. i was afraid of making myself a target for their critique. i used to not have that much fun before concerts because i would work myself into a frenzy, worrying about how i would perform. i would throw up before almost every show. now i let go of it, and i love to perform for people. i love to be on that stage and show people how God has blessed me with a good voice, with a sense of humor and with a gift to write and perform music. in the same way, i have gifts to offer to people around me through my relationship with them, but sometimes my fear of what they will say about me makes me so scared. i used to be this outgoing, bubbly, funny guy, but something changed that made me so hypersensitive to being rejected that i would rather just sit and think alone. well, maybe it's time for me to change the way i interact in this venue, too. maybe it is time i let go of that fear and put myself out there. maybe it's time being afraid becomes a thing of the past.

5 comments:

Jono said...

nice

Jono said...

Sorry, had to do it. Well thought out. I think i can relate to that. Dealing with wanting to be liked and being afraid of all that is life. Afraid of changes, afraid or all sorts of stuff... I think i could echo a lot of the stuff that you said on this topic for sure.

Nice man, nice.

Courtney Strahan said...

wow, 2 posts within the matter of a few days...good on ya. ;)
but, in all seriousness....i can cope with you here, especially on that middle paragraph. also, ill be praying that God gives you the strength you need to no longer be afraid.

Publius said...

Steve - nice post. Fear is something that I am intimately familiar with. I think that every sermon I have ever preached has been about some aspect of fear in our lives.

Smoke If You Got 'Em

Stephanie Corp said...

I am afraid of ferris wheels, but luckily it is not all that difficult to keep them out of my life...

anyway, good post...thanks for the honesty...